


Buon Natale

by Ne_Obliviscaris



Category: Mercy Thompson Series - Patricia Briggs
Genre: Ben Shaw is happy and everyone is freaked, Betrayal, Christmas, Columbia Basin Pack - Freeform, F/M, Family Drama, Father-Daughter Relationship, Forbidden Love, Half-Vampires, Holidays, Jealousy, Lovable asshole, Office Romance, Past Relationship(s), Romance, Vampires, Werewolf Drama, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-11-15
Packaged: 2019-01-19 19:44:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 40,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12416862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ne_Obliviscaris/pseuds/Ne_Obliviscaris
Summary: The product of a vampire's spell, Judith only wants to live a quiet life far from her controlling father. When she begins to fall for Ben the Office Werewolf, she walks a fine line between truth and lie. An accident and a person from her past, however, bring her true self to light and puts in danger everything she has come to care about.





	1. First Day

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfiction takes place after the events of SILENCE FALLEN. Disclaimer: I do not own the works of Patricia Briggs and have no intention of making money from this work. This is for entertainment purposes only.

“If I could have everyone’s attention?” Lorna clapped her hands, provoking heads to pop up over the cubicle walls.

I hiked my best fake smile onto my face. After the final interview and the tour of the premises, I wanted to drain Lorna dry and dump her corpse into a gully. She was one of those vain women who enjoyed commanding the attention of men and grasping for more power. She was also a complete waste of oxygen, lacking any real intelligence.

Both types of women I despised on their own, though I could grudgingly respect the former. Combined, however, they formed a Lorna creature who was an offense to women in general and me in particular.

The air conditioning wafted the pine and musk scent of a werewolf over me, driving all thoughts of murder from my head. A werewolf in a white-collar office?

“This is Judith Belmonte,” my new boss continued. She laid a hand on my shoulder, as if she spoke to children whose attention needed directing. I itched to break the appendage off at the wrist. “She will be replacing Mel at the end of the week as the new DBA group secretary. Mel, we will miss you so much. Why don’t you all come out and introduce yourselves?” She removed her hand.

The drones obeyed, approaching me with varying levels of sincerity. I shook hands, listened to names, and tried to sniff out the wolf.

_“Jude, when it comes to work, werewolves like to do three things: lift, break, and protect.” Daniel grinned at me over his bourbon._

_“You forgot killing.” I raised a brow. “And sex.”_

_“Oh, the killing goes under breaking and protecting. You’ll never find a wolf behind a desk. For the sex, well, we do that for free.”_

“Ben! Come meet your new coworker.” Lorna’s strident tones broke the memory and I added it to the list of reasons for causing her disappearance.

My nose told me immediately that the blond man approaching me was the office wolf. Not only was his job a surprise but so was his physicality.

Most wolves were large men or at least carried themselves as such. Large muscles and long strides. Beards were not uncommon. This clean shaven gentlemen in pressed khakis and a blue polo that brought out his eyes was delicately put together. His power, rising around him in an aura, kept him from being effeminate—but not by much.

I wondered what it would be like to trace the fine bones of his wrist with my tongue. My mouth watered.

As we shook hands, I was grateful I had mastered the ability to smell like a completely normal human being. Given that I was the only dhampir in existence, Ben wouldn’t recognize my scent, but it was always better to blend in rather than be the weird, mystery object that stood out.

“Pleased to meet you,” I said.

Ben grunted. His posture yelled boredom but his eyes screamed irritation. At least the werewolf bad attitude cliché lived, alive and well, within him.

“Well, everyone,” Lorna said, “back to work!”

Ben rolled his eyes and walked away, allowing me to appreciate his well-shaped ass.

“You’ll have to excuse Ben,” Lorna whispered. “He’s our resident werewolf. We are very diverse here.”

Ben’s shoulders tightened but he kept walking.

I smiled sweetly at her. “Is he? That must make things so easy for you, not having to yell for him. Someone once told me they have _excellent_ hearing.”

The blood drained from her face. A drone in a nearby cubicle made a choking sound. I looked back toward Ben, who had paused at his desk. He watched us with an unreadable expression.

“Uh, follow me,” spluttered Lorna. “I’ll show you the company kitchen.”

She strode away but I paused long enough to give Ben the Office Wolf a wink before following.

#

The Romani first spread the legend of the dhampir. The details—how a woman could conceive a child with a vampire or what powers the child would have, if any—depended on the telling of the story. Yet, despite the stories and the number of people willing to claim their dads had fangs, dhampirs simply couldn’t exist.

Newly risen vampires are more interested in blood than sex. Also, modern science proved that after a day or two, semen dies. Even if a baby vampire managed to control his blood lust, it very well may be too late to impregnate anyone.

However, my father was not easily dissuaded. After hearing the legend, he became entranced with the idea of making a dhampir. Perhaps it had something to do with losing his own children to plague.

He tried for over a century. Unfortunately, the new vampires kept eating their brides. He tried older vamps, even himself, but their seed was too dead. He tried dozens of potions and tinctures, which either didn’t work or poisoned the drinker.

Then, he met a Romani witch who wanted to see the legend of the dhampir come alive, though her desires sprung from more devious sources. Like the rest of her people, she believed the dhampir could fight vampires. However, she knew a true dhampir had yet to be born. She wanted someone to fight the monsters and tried to use my father to do it.

Father wasn’t stupid, though. He used that old woman to make a spell that allowed him to impregnate a girl who had just flowered into a woman.  My mother became pregnant and, on a snowy night near Christmas, died giving birth to me. She was twelve.

As soon as it became obvious that I was a healthy baby, Father broke the witch’s neck. He probably shouldn’t have, as the spell never worked again. But Father didn’t mind because he had me.

“What are you thinking about?” Stefan leaned against the kitchen counter, watching me wash dishes.

“My father,” I replied. I had known Stefan since he became a vampire in Italy during the Renaissance. There was no point in hiding anything from him.

“Why?” He started folding the small pile of clean hand towels left lying on the counter. For as long as I had known him, Stefan never stood still.

“I always do around my birthday.”

“Have you spoken to him?”

“Fuck no. He’d send one of his gangs of goons to kidnap me in a heartbeat.”

“Gangs of goons?” He chuckled.

“Well, they are. I’d have to kill them all and Father would send more. Only, he’d be cross, so they wouldn’t be the nice sort of goons.” I set the last plate into the rack to dry. “I would have liked to have known my mother.”

The humor faded from Stefan’s brown eyes, replaced with sorrow. “I know. But, to be fair, she probably would have been terrified of you.”

I sighed and pulled the plug in the sink. As I watched the suds swirl down the drain, I reflected on how most people feared me. Stefan was one of the rare few. And Daniel, of course. I grasped the locket hanging around my neck.

“May I?” Stefan held out his hand.

Taking off the necklace, I gave it to him. He cradled it in his large hands, admiring the way the light bounced off the curling gold leaves embossed on the surface.

“I remember giving this to you,” he said, “right before I left with Marsilia.” He popped it open. In it were two pictures. One, a painted portrait of Stefan dressed as an Italian aristocrat. The other, a black and white photo. I looked away.

“Only two men who’ve ever given a damn about me,” I said, my voice catching on the last word.

The locket clicked as he closed it. He moved behind me and slipped the chain over my neck. “There is still hope for love, _fragolina mia_.” He squeezed my shoulders.

“Your little strawberry?” I snorted. Turning, I crossed my arms over my chest. “You haven’t called me that in a long time.”

“It fits.” He gestured at my curly red hair. “And seeing you tonight brings back those old memories.”

“And are they good memories?”

“The best.” He kissed me on the cheek.

Once, Stefan and I had been lovers. However, Marsilia eventually became a star too bright in his sky to blot out. When he joined her in exile, that ended any aspirations of romance. Soon after, my father took me away to England because he knew I would have tried to follow. I hated Stefan for a while but time often grants perspective. I forgave him and now could invite him into my home without wanting to twist his head off for breaking my heart.

“So you said you met a werewolf at your new job today.” Stefan sat in a kitchen chair, tapping his hands on his thighs. “Describe him to me?”

“Tall.”

“Naturally.”

I rolled my eyes. “Blond hair. Blue eyes. He didn’t have the brawn of your normal werewolf. Great ass, though. His name was Ben.”

“Oh.”

“Oh what? What is that look?”

“Ben Shaw has a reputation from what Mercy has told me.”

“Mercy Hauptman? The Alpha’s mate?”

“The one and the same. Apparently, Mr. Shaw doesn’t care for women.”

“He’s gay?”

“No. That’s not what I meant. He is what they call a misogynist. Perhaps that’s changed since the last time Mercy spoke of it to me but I don’t know. I don’t see her as much as I once did. And she does not keep me apprised on pack matters.” Now it was his turn to look away.

“Don’t get maudlin.” I walked up to him and laid my hands on his shoulders. “The last thing you need to do is be the fox in an Alpha werewolf’s hen house. Consider it a blessing that her attention is elsewhere.” Straightening, I moved to sit in the other chair. “Speaking of Alphas, what do you think of me introducing myself?”

“You mean tell him you’re a dhampir?”

“ _Si_. He has put himself over every supernatural creature in the area. It would be an offense to not let him know I'm here."

“I think not. Let it be enough that Marsilia knows of your presence and allows it, though she shows no interest in meeting you. Remember she hates your father.”

“I should form a club. We can wear matching t-shirts. Why hasn't she told Adam about me, I wonder?”

He smirked.  "Because it amuses her, I suspect." The smirk faded. “Adam is an honorable man and he has a tendency to collect outsiders. However, vampires and werewolves do not get along. He may be accepting of you in his territory but the rest of his pack—probably not. It's best if you remained in hiding. You should avoid being too friendly with Ben. I know you can pass yourself off as a normal human but, as you say, shit happens. One mistake and he’ll know you’re something different."

“He’s handsome, Stefan, and I will admit that I find him attractive.” I brushed my fingers over the locket. “But I think I’m done romancing werewolves.”

“As long as you aren’t done romancing entirely. Eternity is a long time to be alone.”

“We don’t even know if I am truly immortal.”

“I think it’s a safe bet. You haven’t changed since the first day I met you, and that was centuries ago.” He twisted in the chair and rested his elbows on the table. “Passing yourself off as human with a werewolf around will tax your strength. We need to form a menagerie for you.”

I grimaced. Though my body functioned like a living person, I still needed blood at least twice a month to remain healthy. If I needed major healing, I would have to feed straight away.

The good part of that, though, was that I didn’t need a large menagerie. Two people at the very least. That didn’t mean I liked it, however. I never enjoyed being reminded I had fangs. Retractable fangs, granted, but they were there.

Father once used me as his weapon. A person with a vampire’s mind control powers, strength, hearing, and speed but without a weakness to silver, sunlight, and thresholds? It was like heaven to a man who delighted in small wars. There was a time when he insisted I feed weekly to keep to my optimal strength.

“I’ll take you to Seattle on the weekend,” Stefan continued, ignoring my look of distaste. “I have a couple of contacts. We should find someone to bring back here for you. You have space for a roommate.”

“I don’t want a roommate, Stefan. If we find someone, then they’ll have to get their own life and their own home. I can’t turn anyone so I’m not about to support a fang hag.”

He smiled. “Fang hag?”

“I heard the term somewhere once.”

“Your vocabulary will always remain a source of amusement, Judith. Very well.” He stood. “I’m sure there are plenty of young professionals willing to move to the Tri-Cities. I should go. It’s late and you have work tomorrow. Why do you work? I know you have plenty of money, tucked away in secret accounts.”

“I don’t like being bored.”

Stefan’s eyes widened and he swept his hands out. “And we can never have you bored. You’ll burn the mountains down just for something to do.”

I snorted. “I’m not that bad.”

“Sure you’re not. _Buona notte,_ Giuditta _._ ”

“ _Buona notte,_ Stefano _._ ”

With a brush of wind, he vanished.


	2. A Dangerous Kind of Stupid

Whether it was a side effect of my unusual parentage or a sixth sense developed from residing with creatures who “lived” only at night, I wasn’t sure. Either way, dawn always brought a tingle up my spine. Sometimes, it would be so strong it woke me as I tried to go to sleep after a long night of vampire politics.

Ever since I escaped my Father, that little tingle brought joy. I no longer lived on “vampire time”. I could throw back my curtains and watch the watery, white light pool over the horizon until the yellow disk emerged, like the yolk of an egg leaving its broken shell.

This dawn, though, brought an added joy. I stood on my very own property.

It was stupid, really, buying a home. Stefan, when I showed it to him, chided me.

_“Deeds are easier to track than rent agreements,” he remarked dryly. “And you know you could come live with me.”_

After a century of running, I was done with boarding houses, long-term hotels, and shabby rented spaces in questionable parts of town. I hadn’t scented Father or his goons in at least seventy years. That isn’t much time to an old vampire but it gave me some hope. Enough hope, anyway, to purchase a home in Richland, on the banks of the Columbia River. The real estate agent called it a “ranch-style” home.

Sipping my coffee, I stood on my back lawn and watched the early morning light play on the waters of the river. The dry, half-frozen grass crinkled underfoot and I barely felt the wind through my long-sleeved shirt.

“Aren’t you cold?”

My neighbor, an elderly woman with three cats and a Doberman, squinted at me from her raised deck. She wore a thick, woolen coat and a scarf. I savored the notion—again—of having a neighbor before answering.

“I’m from Toronto,” I replied. “This is nothing.”

Shrugging, she went back to fussing at her dog, Daisy, for taking so long to relieve her bowels. Since Daisy was glaring at me through the chain link fence as if I was Satan Incarnate, I suspected my neighbor would be waiting a while. I grinned at the animal, provoking a small growl.

Cats and ghosts despise vampires. I didn’t know how ghosts felt about me but I had always gotten along with cats. Dogs, though, always seemed to know what was up. It was odd. Maybe they smelled another predator while cats couldn’t smell the evil on me present in normal vamps.

Leaving Daisy and my neighbor, I went back inside. I needed to finish getting ready for my new job.

#

My good mood evaporated on reaching my desk. For several days, Mel trained me on my new job. As far as work went, it was fairly simple. Over the weekend, when not trolling Seattle with Stefan, I studied the manuals and things I apparently needed to be a good secretary.

Since I had worked as a secretary at least eight times already, I wasn’t concerned. It didn’t matter the era: paperwork was paperwork and being a gatekeeper never changed.

No, it wasn’t a small mountain of paper waiting for me on the desk that leaked the joy from my step. It was the glowering werewolf.

“You’re late,” he said in a crisp, British accent.

I raised a brow. “Am I?” With exaggerated care, I checked my watch. “Mel instructed me to be here at 8:30 and it is 8:27. I think that means I’m early.” I dropped my purse and lunch bag onto the desk.

Ben scowled at me. Apparently, he wasn’t used to people not being intimidated by him. Stefan’s warning about laying low ghosted through my ears but the way the wolf stared down at me made my hackles rise. I flicked my gaze up to meet his eyes for the briefest of moments, just long enough for him to tense, before I looked away.

Vampires play dominance games, too, though they would never admit it. Their games consisted of pettiness, casual murder, and Machiavellian-esque power moves. The wolf pack I once ran with taught me something new and I had not forgotten, though sometimes remembering it brought back familiar pain.

As Ben stood over me, I switched on my computer and dropped my belongings into the bottom drawer. He was still there when I straightened. The steady sound of his heartbeat brought a hitch into my breath. His power thrummed around him, bringing to mind the deep wilds of Canada that stretched on into eternity.

“Is there something you needed?” I asked, raising a brow.

He held out a slip of paper. “I need these books from the company library.”

Careful to not touch his fingers, I took the list. “I’ll get right on that.”

“You do that.” And he sauntered away, leaving behind the scent of wolf and cool earth. I also did not sneak a peek at his hindquarters; I only happened to look in that direction.

#

Ben heard the new woman, Judith, approach. He’d watched her over the days she trained with Mel and he wasn’t especially impressed. Just another secretary. He had to admit, though, that he would miss Mel and not just because of the good coffee she brought him on occasion.

Mostly, it was that werewolves weren’t fans of change. But it was also for another reason. Despite seeing him change into a wolf, Mel didn’t fall apart in terror whenever she saw him. It was nice. Now, however, he had to break in a whole new secretary.

As he coaxed more speed from a database, he listened to the new girl pause to read the sign outside his office. He half-expected her to ignore it entirely and burst into his personal space.

Earlier, the slight challenge in her eyes surprised him and roused his wolf. Her turning away didn’t end the confrontation or make it into a dismissal. Rather, it left things open. This, of course, was ridiculous as hell. She was fully human, if his nose was to be trusted, and humans did not challenge werewolves. Not dominant ones, anyway.

The look Judith shot him reminded Ben of Mercy, to be honest. However, there was only one Mercy (thank fuck), so unless Judith knew about werewolves, she was being an idiotic female with an attitude problem.

Judith moved to stand on the mat, on which were written the words “Wait Here”.

Ben did not immediately button up what he was doing or even look for a stopping place. He continued to work, half of him focused on the task while the other half focused on her.

Most people twitched and fidgeted while they waited, maybe even sigh a little. Judith, though, remained still. Her heart rate kept steady. She became a presence at his back, quietly demanding attention. His wolf rumbled in curiosity. There was something different here it seemed to suggest.

Giving it another minute, he stopped what he was doing and swiveled in his chair.

Judith was a good-looking woman. Her perfect posture shouted a posh upbringing, as did her tailored, burgundy skirt suit. She wore her strawberry-blonde hair up in a bun with a few curling tendrils brushing her neck. Dark blue eyes, slender nose, and a full bottom lip made for an unforgettable face. He noted she wore minimal makeup. She didn’t need much. Her skin tone was like ivory with a rose blush.

Anymore perfect, he would be flashing back onto his mother. His stomach tightened.

“I have the books,” Judith said. In her arms, she cradled the three volumes he requested. Her accent, he noted, was flat Canadian with an Italian lilt and maybe a hint of his England.

“Set them on the desk,” he replied, turning back to his computer.

She stepped into the smallish cubicle and placed them near his elbow. She tensed slightly. “Anything else I can get you?”

Judith smelled like coffee, light perfume, and, underneath it, her personal scent. The perfume had to be expensive because it didn’t clog his nose with astringent chemicals. He drew in a deep breath, trying to parse it out, and came up with cinnamon, cloves, and orange blossom. It covered her personal aroma to the point where he couldn’t get a handle on her emotions. There was nothing to explain the tightness in her voice.

“No,” he replied.

“You’re welcome, then.” 

He turned to raise a brow at her but she was already sashaying away. A coworker across the aisle also watched Judith walk away. Their eyes met briefly. Whatever was in Ben’s face made the fellow DBA swiftly return to his work.

Ben wasn’t sure why the new girl interested him so much. He told himself it was because she was an enigma. She didn’t act afraid of him but he couldn’t smell her well enough to know if she was only hiding what she really felt. Her body language was all about confidence. If she’d been a wolf, he would have called her dominant, much to his chagrin. Underneath all of that, his wolf whispered there was something more and he itched to uncover what it could be.

#

I burst into the bathroom, startling a coworker washing her hands. I threw myself into a stall and slammed the door closed. My fingers shook as I fumbled with the lock.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid girl!_

Sucking in a deep breath, I held it before slowly releasing. Stefan had tried to get me to feed while in Seattle. We met three people who could move to Richland and be my menagerie while living their own lives in their own homes. He wanted me to taste one of them but I hadn’t.

It had been too long since my last feed. Stefan must have sensed it. He always could tell when I needed blood.

Why had I been so stubborn? Was I having that much fun playing the human? My mind flashed back on sharing meals with Stefan, followed by intense lovemaking where we shared blood with each other. Only with Stefan had I ever reveled in being part vampire. It was still too intimate, too personal, to feed around him, even though he hadn’t touched me like that in two centuries.

Maybe I hadn’t gotten over him as well as I had thought. Hell, I moved to the Tri-Cities just to reconnect, so maybe I had been lying to myself all along.

I was all right until I set those books on Ben’s desk. He had cut himself while shaving and my hypersensitive nose had picked up on a dried drop of blood on his collar. Werewolf blood smelled like rich, dark chocolate. Mingled with Ben’s earthy scent and it took every ounce of control not to pounce on him. My stomach cramped around the NEED.

With my control stretched so tautly, my power had to be leaking out, which would only raise the werewolf’s suspicions, if they weren’t already.

_Idiot!_

 A soft knock on the door. “Hello? Are you okay?”

The calm before the feed swept over me. I unlocked the door. It was one of the women from Human Resources. Not particularly attractive but I had always preferred men. Maybe to a man she was sexy.

“Do you need help?” she asked.

I caught her brown eyes with mine and exerted my influence. She relaxed, her pupils dilating.

“Actually,” I said, “I do need something. Go lock the door into the bathroom.”

The woman grinned and trotted off, her heels clacking happily against the linoleum. This was dangerous. Dangerous to the point of stupidity. But if I was going to make it through the day…

“Take off your coat and roll up your sleeve,” I instructed my prey.

She did so, baring an almost too-thin arm. I took her arm, turning it so I could reach the inside of her elbow.

“This is going to hurt,” I told her, “but you will not scream. You will not cry out.”

The HR woman smiled. Happy to help, that was her. I bet her office was an effusion of pink and butterflies. My fangs slid from their hiding place and I struck, quick as a snake. The woman tensed but she didn’t make a sound.

A vampire’s Kiss was a beautiful thing. It gave the victim euphoria, sometimes even sexual enjoyment. I knew one woman who could make her sheep orgasm. However, I couldn’t administer a full Kiss. My bite hurt, so I was careful. Not to go too deeply. Not to shred the skin. Some sheep grew to like it when I fed from them. From the small sound this woman made in the back of her throat, I knew she would be one of those.

Her blood was sweet like a candied apple. A diabetic. I loved diabetics.

I withdrew and she shuddered. With my tongue, I laved the two perfect puncture wounds. I bit my wrist and presented it to her.

“Drink,” I said, “but only a sip.”

The woman took my wrist and wrapped her mouth around the bleeding wound. I sucked in a breath, not finding any enjoyment in this part, either. My blood would close the wound in her elbow, though.

The woman pulled away. Plucking a napkin from a dispenser, I wiped my blood from the corner of her mouth.

“What’s your name?” I asked, looking into her eyes.

“Karen,” she replied.

“Karen, roll your sleeve down and put on your coat. I’m Judith, the new girl, and you found me upset in a stall because Ben Shaw was rude to me. You comforted me and then you went about your day like normal. Understand?”

“I understand.”

“Go on, then.”

Karen the Diabetic Sheep left me alone in the bathroom. With the napkin I used to wipe her mouth, I wiped my own. Nearly five centuries of feeding and I was still a little messy. As I washed my hands, I looked at my reflection.

A perfectly normal, professional woman stared back at me. The lie turned my gut. Closing my eyes, I drew in my breath and, with it, my power. With Karen’s blood humming in my system, I tamped my other self back down, keeping it tight within me. A werewolf could probably pick up the scent of blood on me but this was an office environment. Everyone gets paper cuts, after all.


	3. Bedtime Stories

It was well past dark by the time I returned home. Even Ben had left before I did, his stride casting over me his mouthwatering scent. All wolves smelled wild but he had an added spice that made me want to bury my nose into the place where shoulder met neck. But I had fed, so I kept the desire nicely checked.

I had fed. On an innocent, random woman. _In my work’s bathroom_.

Parking in the driveway, I switched off my car and sat, listening to the hot engine tick. It was a practical car, of German make. I wasn’t one of those vampires who enjoyed riding in something expensive and fast. My little Jetta did the job well enough.

Humans relied on cars. I was never human. If I ever needed to outrun something, I could do it on my own two feet. Provided that it wasn’t already too late.

The exterior pole light cast my yard in a yellowish gloom. Shadows pooled in the car but I could see as well as if it was midday. Opening my hands, I studied the creases of my palms. Nothing like doing what you hate to make you hate what you are.

My front door open. Stefan lounged against the doorjamb, watching me with a blank expression. Checking a sigh in my throat, I got out of my car and trudged up the front walk and steps.

“Did we make plans?” I asked.

“No. Hard day?”

“Mmm.”

He pulled my purse from my shoulder and looped an arm around my waist, dropping a kiss on my cheek, all in one smooth motion. As if he’d done it a thousand times. I leaned into him. We stood like that for a while.

“Is that cabbage I smell?” I asked against his shoulder.

“Yes. I cooked cassoeula.”

“When did you learn to cook?”

He chuckled and drew me into the house, kicking the door closed behind us. He then pushed me against the door and proceeded to kiss me thoroughly. I plunged my hands into his thick brown hair and let him explore me with tongue and teeth. When Stefan drew back, I gasped for breath, desire sending my heart into a gallop.

“You smell of fresh blood, _cara mia_ ,” he murmured against the soft skin below my ear.

Just like that, the fatigue and disgust rolled back over me. I pushed him away. “I did a stupid thing today.”

He didn’t stop me from going into the kitchen. On the stove, a large pot of the pork and cabbage stew bubbled. I gave it a good stir and drew in a deep breath. Cassoeula was one of my favorite dishes.

“Do you want me to go?” Stefan asked from the doorway.

“I don’t know what I want. It takes over two hours to make this. It can’t be that late.” I looked over at a clock. Full dark fell nearly two hours ago.

“I awake before sunset. I started the food at home and brought it over.”

“How long have you been waking before sunset?”

“It’s been gradual, earlier and earlier for the past two centuries.” He came to stand beside me. “What happened?”

While staring down at the food, I told him about the blood on Ben’s collar and about Karen the Diabetic. Stefan rubbed soothing circles into my back.

“Neither one of us,” he said when I finished, “have ever cared for what we are.”

“We tried.”

He grunted, no doubt remembering the feedings—and lovemaking—we shared. “We were young and desperate to be what was expected of us. You know, I’ve often wondered if it was your blood that allowed me to have my independence so early.”

I barked a laugh. It sounded bitter. “For all the good it did me. In the end, you chose her.”

His hands stilled on my back. “I did.”

“What was I to you? Really?” I turned to face him. “Was I only a reminder of the humanity you wished you still had?”

“No.” Stefan took both hands in mine. “I loved you for you, your strength and courage. Your heart, despite everything your father did to you. I still care for you. I would like for us to try again.” He tightened his grip. “Please.”

“Stefano, I let you closer than I allowed anyone else. We stopped laying together long before you left Milan because I saw the way your heart was turning. But I never stopped loving you. And when the Lord of Night banished her, I thought—“

He kissed me again, softly, as if only to stop my words. I pulled my lips away.

“There is another woman in this city you care for, though you don’t share her bed. If you and I are going to try again, I need to know that I am the only one in your heart. I refuse to watch another person be chosen over me.”

Stefan’s eyes carried in infinite sadness. He traced my jaw with a single finger—and then he was gone.

#

Ben didn’t necessarily have a problem with vampires. He once knew one who was an all right bloke. Mercy’s Stefan was also nice for a bloodsucker. What Ben had a problem with were vamps who made him do shit he didn’t want to do. For a brief moment, his mouth and nose were full of the scent and taste of the vampire who’d almost been a friend. The one he’d eaten even as the vamp begged no.

He swallowed. The creature that forced him to do that was long dead. His wolf was only concerned about the present and Ben hung onto that focus.

Warren had called him prior to his leaving work. A new vampire had come to town the night before and needed to be questioned. Ben wished that Mercy hadn’t put the Columbia Basin Pack in charge of every damn thing that went bump in the Tri-Cities’ night. He could be at home now, watching telly and eating chips.

Ben followed Warren down the motel hallway. It wasn’t the nicest of places and his nose told him they rented rooms by the hour. Halfway down the hall, Warren stopped. Ben stood behind and just to the right.

Warren was third in the pack, though Ben was pretty sure he could be second if the wolf really wanted. Ben had seen Warren fight Darryl once and anyone with eyes could tell that if Warren really had wanted to hurt Adam’s second, Aurielle would be without her mate.

The dominant wolf knocked on the door. Ben could hear movement, like someone rushing around, and the knock brought silence into the room. After a long pause, a short vampire answered the door.

He’d been older when turned: greying hair brushed into a hopeful comb-over and a paunch strained the front of a black knit sweater. The vampire leaned out to look up and down the hall. Satisfied that there was no one else, he stepped back to let them in.

The motel room was small and an enormous water stain graced the ceiling. Ben’s nose wrinkled at the scent of mold and mildew.

“You didn’t need to come,” the vamp said, a soft French accent underlying his words. He went back to stuffing clothes into a half-full duffel bag on the bed. “I was just preparing to leave.”

“Leave?” Warren raised a brow. “We heard you were going to ask Marsilia to join her seethe.”

“Anyone who allows the Abomination to live in her territory is insane. I don’t mind a certain level of crazy but that is more than I am willing to tolerate.”

Vampires didn’t sweat, breathe, or have heartbeats, so it was nearly impossible to know what they were feeling. However, Ben would bet his last dime the frog was terrified, judging from the white surrounding his eyes as he glanced back at them.

“What’s the Abomination?” asked Warren.

“Even vampires have a-a-“ He threw up his hands as he sought for the proper word. “Boogeyman.”

Ben walked over to the vampire and clapped a hand on his shoulder. The vampire twisted away, lips curling back into a snarl. Ben smirked. “You’re not leaving this room until you tell us what the hell this Abomination is.”

“Ask Marsilia,” the vampire spat. “She’s the one who’s allowed it to be here.”

An alliance existed between Marsilia and Adam, strengthened when they went to fetch Mercy from Europe. If Marsilia was hiding something, it could put a great many things in danger.

“No,” Warren replied, “you are. Right now.” His Texan accent pulled the vowels into a drawl but menace laced them. The room was slowly growing thick with the threat of violence.

The vampire raised his chin. “Long ago, a vampire used a spell to create a human-vampire hybrid. He used it as his own personal weapon and he came to be feared. The Lord of Night kept them both in his court for a time but, about two hundred years ago, both that vampire and his Abomination disappeared.”

“And what does this Abomination look like?”

“I don’t know. I only ever scented it once, after it finished killing a seethe in a single night. I came upon the same scent last night, as I was familiarizing myself with the area. I spoke to Marsilia, who said she allowed it to be here at her own sufferance. I told her I was no longer interested in joining her seethe. I’m leaving. Now.”

Ben raised a brow at Warren, whose face had closed off. However, Ben could feel the concern vibrating off him. After a long moment, the older wolf nodded and they left the vampire to his frantic packing.

Once in Ben’s truck, Warren called Adam and informed them of what they learned.

“I’ll give Marsilia a call,” their Alpha replied. “The vampire didn’t happen to say exactly where he scented this Abomination?”

“We’re in Richland,” pointed out Ben. “That’s probably what the vampire meant unless he wandered all over the damn place.”

Adam grunted and disconnected. Neither of them spoke. Ben turned the truck toward West Richland, where Warren lived with his mate.

A few streets away, the phone buzzed again.

“Marsilia was short on explanation,” Adam said, his voice tired, “but long on the reasons why it’s none of my business. Apparently, this only concerns the vampires. Mercy is trying to get in touch with Stefan right now. Go on home. I’ll call Warren if there are any updates.”

“Nothing stays quiet,” muttered Ben after the call ended.

Warren grinned.

#

I was slowly working my way through my third bowl of Stefan’s excellent cassoeula when my cell phone buzzed with the theme music to _The Godfather_. Stefan’s name glared at me. I let it go to voicemail.

The phone rang again. Sighing, I answered. “Not in the mood for more drama.”

“I’m afraid this cannot wait. I received a call from Mercy. Apparently, a vampire come to join Marsilia’s seethe picked up on your scent.”

“Shit.”

“Yes. I thought you were trying to be discrete.” Stefan had the wonderful ability to sound disapproving while sounding neutral at the same time. I wanted to slap him for it.

“Some vampires have always been able to sniff me out. I think it has something to do with that particular line. I bet he’s one of Geraldine’s get. Where is he?”

“Out of the Tri-Cities by now, but not before he informed the wolves that came to check on him that Marsilia was allowing the Abomination to live here.”

My stomach curdled, turning the cabbage and pork into stone. “What else did he tell them?”

“Judging from Mercy’s questions, just the nature of the Abomination. This one had never had the pleasure of formally meeting you, so he wasn’t able to provide a name or a description. Adam Hauptman called Marsilia, who told him it was none of his affair.”

“She may ask me to leave now.”

“You can refuse her. It would mean blood, though.”

I drummed my fingers on the table. “What did you tell Mercy?”

“That I had heard the same bedtime stories but the Abomination was not something I feared.”

That made him the only person on the planet. It warmed my heart to know it, though. “Did you tell her that the stories were true, though?”

A smile crept into Stefan’s voice. “I said that vampires liked to make weapons that did not last long and then exaggerate the tale. I think she knows I’m hiding something. Though she isn’t a werewolf, Mercy can still sniff out a lie or a half-truth.”

“What should I do? Would it be such a terrible thing for the Alpha to know about me?” Though Stefan’s affection for Mercy put my teeth on edge, I didn’t want his friendship with her in danger. If I remained in the area, there would come a moment when he would have to outright lie rather than dodge questions.

“The more people who know you are here, Giuditta, the more likely it is that your father will find you.”

I swallowed. “Right. Let me sleep on it. I don’t think they’re going to find me tonight. And if they do, only blood or the truth will serve. Or both.” I picked up my fork. “Thank you for the food. It’s delicious. You should cook for me more often.”

He chuckled and ended the call. I set the cell phone onto the table with exaggerated care. It was possible that, as long as dead bodies didn’t start floating down the Columbia, the Alpha would leave it alone. However, Adam Hauptman had a reputation for both thoroughness and his temper. He wouldn’t let a possible threat into his territory remain hidden.

But I couldn’t make a decision without taking the measure of the man. And I couldn’t think of a way to casually meet him.

My car keys, sitting in a bowl on the table, caught my attention. Didn’t Stefan once tell me that Mercy was a mechanic? That she specifically worked on Volkswagens?

A slow smile crossed my face. Tomorrow was Saturday. It seemed my little Jetta was getting a tune-up.

#

Mercy’s Garage. The name was emblazoned over the large bay doors. Everything about the garage screamed it was new, from the pothole-free car park to the bright white paint on the siding.

I got out of the car and tried not to squint through my sunglasses. The bad thing about having the eyes of a vampire meant daylight was not always your friend. I wore expensive glasses touting excellent UV protection. I still squinted sometimes.

I entered the empty office, tucking away my sunglasses. Glancing into the bay area, I noticed only two cars. Someone’s legs stuck out from under a Mercedes. They looked like women’s legs.

“Hello?” I called.

From the depths of an engine, a muffled voice said, “Yeah. Hang on.”

I took a seat on a stool, grateful I had worn an old pair of jeans that wouldn’t mind a little dirt. The interior of the garage looked as new as the exterior. There were hardly any stains on the floor and all the equipment looked gently used.

This did not make sense. Stefan told me Mercy supported herself as a mechanic for years before mating with Adam. But he did mention something about a volcano god, so perhaps the garage needed rebuilding recently.

The owner of the legs pushed herself out from under the car. A woman of Native American descent shoved safety glasses onto her head and wiped her hands on her coveralls as she apprised me. Her thick, black hair was bound in a braid that flowed down her back. Her tawny skin and dark eyes were a little at odds with her European features. I discreetly breathed in as she approached.

Werewolf. Cat. (I didn’t expect that combination. Cats hate wolves as much as they hate vampires.) Motor oil and grease. Garlic, probably from last night’s supper. I didn’t scent Stefan on her. Looks like a phone conversation was all they had.

That did not please me. I did not feel a swell of gratefulness. I did stand and offer my hand. “Hi, you must be Mercy.”

She gave me a polite smile and briefly shook hands. It was firm and to the point. “What’s the trouble?”

“Nothing, really. My Jetta needs a tune-up.”

“I could get to that today. Will you be waiting?”

“I’m afraid so but I brought entertainment.” I fished my current guilty pleasure from the depths of my purse: a historical romance set in Renaissance Italy. So much of it was wrong but I enjoyed it anyway. What can I say? Even I am a sucker for passion.

“Well, it shouldn’t take too long.” Mercy walked past me into the office. As she did so, I detected another scent, half-hidden by the other, brasher aromas. It was some kind of canine but I couldn’t place it. It was part of her personal essence, though.

I leaned against the counter and watched her scrounge through papers on the desk. Eventually, she came up with a work order form and we got down to the business of haggling. After agreeing on the price, she opened one of the big doors and I drove my trusty, metal steed inside.

“How long have you been a mechanic?” I asked from my stool. Mercy had hinted I would be more comfortable in the office but I elected to play the idiot on that.

“Over ten years by now,” she replied, her head tucked under the Jetta’s hood.

“You don’t see many women mechanics.”

“Nope.” Irritation edged her tone. Apparently, she didn’t like to talk to customers while she worked.

It did make me wonder, though. Adam Hauptman was not a poor man. Mercy didn’t need to work. In fact, it was better for all involved that she didn’t because just about anyone could walk into a garage. And speaking of just about anyone—I sighed.

Ben strolled into the office, carrying coffee and donuts. He paused in the door between office and work area.

“Ben!” I said with forced cheeriness. He turned to me and I suddenly remembered the full moon was that night.

His eyes were their normal blue, though a touch lighter. Magic simmered around him like heat off a blacktop. The pine and musk scent of wolf was stronger, as was the sandalwood and cardamom notes that were all him.

“Good morning, Judith,” he replied.

“You two know each other?” Mercy, wiping her hands on a rag, came over. She plucked a coffee from the holder and a donut from the bag.

“We work in the same office,” I explained. “I’m his new secretary.”

“Secretary for the group,” Ben corrected me, though there was a flash of pleasure in his eyes.

Dominant wolves liked to hear when something belonged to them. It did not mean he liked the idea of me belonging to him. I thought this resolutely and with firmness. “As much as you order me around, I might as well be your personal secretary.”

He shrugged. “Complain to HR if you have a problem, luv.”

My stomach dropped at the reminder of Karen. I looked away from him. “Everything going well with my car so far, I hope.”

Mercy waggled her donut-holding hand back and forth. “Jettas come with a host of their own problems. You don’t seem to have the spark plug one, though.”

I had no idea what that meant. However, I nodded as if I did. “Good.”

She finished the treat and took her coffee back with her to the car. Ben dropped the bag onto a table and leaned away from me against the doorjamb. He sipped the rich-smelling coffee while he watched Mercy. The pose was meant to suggest relaxation but tension rode in his every line. Ben was not happy that I was there. Or, it was because of the moon. Or both. I could see it being both.

“What brings you here?” I asked.

“Just visiting Mercy.”

“I was only kidding about you ordering me around so much. I do enjoy working for the company.”

He grunted. I admitted defeat and opened my book.

“The hell are you reading?” Ben stared at the half-naked man on the cover. Amusement glinted in his eye.

“Porn,” I snipped back. “But it’s decently written, though the writer gets plenty of things wrong.”

“You’re an expert, then?”

“Everyone needs a hobby.” I raised a brow at him. “What’s yours? Other than bothering mechanics.”

“If I was bothering Mercy, she’d tell me to leave.”

“Damn right.” Mercy’s voice echoed a little from the depths of my Jetta’s engine. “But you don’t need to be here.”

Ben snorted.

“Everything all right?” I looked from her to him. The remains of an old argument rode the air.

“Nothing that’s your problem,” Ben snarked.

“So, the sarcasm isn’t reserved only for work?”

“I do this all fucking day.”

“I bet you’re a joy at parties.”

He shrugged, smirking. I rolled my eyes and returned to my novel. The whole trip was turning into something of a bust. Stefan’s Mercy was close lipped around strangers and Ben’s presence only distracted me from her. No one spoke again while I pretended to read and Mercy grumbled to herself.

Finally, she came back over. “Your car is in perfect working order. I didn’t have to do a thing.” She sounded a little surprised.

“Oh, good.” I slid off the stool and stowed away my book. She might have been surprised but I was grateful. If I had to sit beside Ben for another minute, I was going to explode. The Change stood just below his surface and it was becoming harder to ignore the thrum of blood in his veins.

There was a reason why werewolf blood was so addictive to vampires: it was the power. Vamps didn’t drink blood just because their dead bodies couldn’t produce anymore. They needed the life force to survive. Werewolf power called to a vampire. Stefan’s control was so perfect, he could walk through a room of bleeding wolves and be fine.

I had a living body, so why I needed the life force in blood was still a mystery, even after all this time. I was not hungry and could easily go two or three weeks without another feed. The fact that I wasn’t hungry allowed me to walk past Ben, nearly brushing his arm, and keep my dhampir-self locked down tight.

After settling up with Mercy in the office, I climbed into my Jetta and drove away. Tonight, Stefan would call for my answer on whether or not I should reveal myself to the Alpha. Unfortunately, I was no closer to a decision.

#

Mercy put her tools away, her movements slow and thoughtful.

“What’s wrong?” Ben asked.

She hung a wrench on its peg. “That car was just recently off a lot. It didn’t need a tune-up.”

“So?”

“It doesn’t strike you as strange? Last night, you learn about a half-human, half-vampire thing and, today, your new secretary brings in a car that doesn’t need work.”

“She isn’t mine.” He gulped back the last of his coffee. “You’re getting paranoid in your old age.”

She made a face at him. “If there’s anything I’ve learned it’s that there’s no such thing as coincidences.”

“Stefan made it sound like this Abomination thing wasn’t even real.”

“No. He avoided answering my question directly. You said that vamp was scared because of something he smelled. And bedtime stories don’t come with scents.”

“I don’t think he was scared of a little red-headed tart who reads trashy romance and prances around in tight jeans.”

A small smile crept onto Mercy’s face. “So, you noticed her jeans were tight?” She laughed at the scowl on his face. “I’m going to wash up.”

Ben didn’t reply. He had noticed her jeans were tight, emphasizing her heart-shaped ass. From the outlines under her top, he also noticed she wore a corset, which explained her perfect posture even as she perched on a stool. Ben had a sudden image of Judith in a black corset, matching garters, and pantyhose.

The edge of the table broke under his hand.

He’d noticed she wore the perfume she wore at work. Her face had been bereft of even her minimal make up, which made her more attractive rather than less. Freckles dusted the corner of one of her eyes.

When she referred to herself as “his”, Ben’s wolf all but purred in pleasure. The fucking traitor.

“You should get to know her better,” Mercy was saying as she came out of her loo. “I’m not saying she’s some kind of weird vampire experiment. She smelled human and I didn't pick up on any magic. But we should make sure that it really was a coincidence. Ask her out.” She raised a brow at the broken table and the chunk of wood in Ben’s hand.

Ben became painfully aware his arousal’s scent on the air. Instead of ducking his eyes, he boldly stared at Mercy, daring her to say something.

“Are you done for the day?” he asked, his voice low and growly.

“Yep. I’ll just go close up.”

Ben tossed the piece of wood aside and crossed his arms. Maybe he would ask Judith out. For safety’s sake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Mercy's garage gets destroyed in Fire Touched. However, I'm not sure if it was ever rebuilt or if there were plans for that to happen. (I haven't gotten that far in my re-read.) So, for the sake of this story, Adam has rebuilt Mercy's garage as a gift to her (I might write a one-shot just for that argument). Also, NaNoWriMo is about to start, which means updates will slow down.


	4. Of Agreements and Territory

That night, Stefan called. “Have you made a decision?”

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I hadn’t been able to tell anything from my visit. I had hoped that by meeting the mate, I could take a measure of the man to whom she was linked. However, on reflection, I realized that was a vampire way of looking at things. I had been a mate, once. Had I been a perfect reflection of Dan? I fingered the locket around my neck.

“Judith? Are you still there?”

“Yes. I was only thinking. Can you act as a go-between? Do you think that would be enough?”

“Perhaps. It is our best bet unless you want to meet the Alpha face to face or wait for him to pressure Marsilia to make a move.”

“I’m sure you could talk Marsilia into something else.”

A pause. “I am not a part of her seethe any longer.”

That news went through me like lightning. “Why didn’t you say anything sooner?”

“You assumed and I didn’t wish to explain the whys and wherefores. It happened some time ago.”

Stefan didn’t refrain from the truth unless he had to. There was a story—a terrible one, given the Soldier’s unflinching loyalty—but now was not the time. “I’ll want to hear those whys and wherefores one day.”

“One day.”

I pulled my attention back to the matter at hand. “I would rather as few people as possible knew my identity. That way, if Father were to arrive, the Alpha can’t say he’s met me and knows my alias.” I grimaced. “It may be easier for me to simply leave.”

“No. Now that I have you back, I refuse to let you leave again.”

I smiled, though it was a little sad. “Stefano…”

“I remember what you said. But I think there’s still a chance for us. If you think it is too dangerous for you to show your face, then I will be your go-between. I’ll call Mercy right away. What should I tell her?”

“That I only want a quiet life and that I’m not the Abomination any longer. I swear to not kill anyone unless in self-defense.”

“That’s quite the vow.”

“You’re the one who wants me to stay. That’s what it will cost.”

“Very well, then. I’ll make the call. Mercy will be home alone, it being the full moon.”

“Thank you.” I really meant it. I didn’t want to leave but not only because I didn’t want to leave Stefan. I was simply tired of running.

#

Sometimes, Mercy ran with the pack during the full moon. However, there were a few new members and she decided a coyote amongst new wolves was not a good idea. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Adam or the rest of the pack to protect her. She’d only learned not to stir up trouble unless someone deserved it or if it was necessary.

Not wanting to leave her unprotected, Adam left Ben behind. Samuel had also volunteered. With both wolves keeping her warm and cozy on the couch, Mercy binge-watched _Stranger Things 2_ while Jesse did her homework in her bedroom upstairs.

Mercy’s phone played The Baby Elephant Walk. After a quick glance at the caller ID, she paused the show. “Hey, Stefan.”

“The Abomination contacted me.”

She sat up straighter. Both wolves lifted their heads to stare at her. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” He laughed. “The name lends itself to melodrama and I couldn’t resist.”

Mercy relaxed. Slightly. “So, what did this thing want?”

He paused. “To reassure me that it doesn’t have any intentions of causing trouble and swears not to kill save in self-defense. It only wants a peaceful life, away from its past.”

“Then why didn’t it declare itself to Adam right away? Why did Marsilia keep it to herself?”

“Marsilia no doubt was amused at the idea of something so powerful being right under Adam’s nose. I think she’s also a little embarrassed. According to the law set down by the Council, she cannot touch the Abomination unless it threatens her or her seethe."

“She’s flaunted vampire law before.” Apparently, changing sorcerers into vampires was a big no-no but that didn’t keep her from planning to make them and keeping alive the one vampire who knew how.

“True. But she does not dare to do so in this. As far as why the Abomination didn’t come to Adam—vampires and werewolves do not generally get along. What would the pack’s reaction be to a creature that was part vampire and part human?”

“Not good.”

“Precisely so.”

Mercy took a deep breath as she considered this information. “How powerful is this Abomination?”

“The only creatures the Abomination threatens are other vampires because it was created to be used as a weapon against them.”

Mercy looked at Samuel, who tilted his head. He, too, noticed that Stefan hadn’t answered the question.

“If that’s the case,” Mercy replied, “then why did the Council make a rule against anyone harming it except in self-defense?”

“The answer to that involves a story I have no right to tell. I’m sorry, Mercy.” He sounded genuinely apologetic. “You can take my word that you and yours or the general populace have nothing to fear.”

She ran her fingers through Samuel’s fur. “Do you know a Judith Belmonte?”

Everything went quiet on the other end of the line. Mercy strained her hearing and picked up on some background noise. Wherever Stefan was, people were washing dishes and walking around. He was probably home. What she heard were the domestic noises of his menagerie.

“Stefan?” she asked.

 “Judith is a friend,” he explained. “A, ah, very good friend. Why do you ask?”

“She came by the shop today. She wanted her car to have a tune-up but it was fresh off a lot. It made me suspicious.”

“I see. Judith tends to be overly cautious. She probably heard an odd noise and decided that was what she needed to do.”

“Is she one of your—is she in—“

“Is she in my menagerie? No. I have no plans of bringing her in, either. She’s a friend.”

“So you keep saying. Does she know what you are?” It was dangerous for people to know about vampires.

“She does.”

“It sounds like she’s more than a friend, then.”

He made a noncommittal sound.

Ben’s watchful gaze was slowly becoming a glare. One side of his lip began to curl up. Mercy never credited Ben for being particularly insightful but even he picked up on Stefan’s subtle change in tone. Stefan and Judith might be friends but Stefan, apparently, wanted more. Or, there was more and he didn’t want to admit to it. Ben, from his reaction, did not like this development at all.

Why would asking Stefan about her surprise him? Mercy knew of Stefan’s feelings for her, though she hoped they had faded. Maybe they hadn’t. Maybe Stefan was embarrassed that Mercy caught him trying to move on.

“Mercy?” he asked.

“I’m here. I guess I’m getting paranoid.”

“After everything you’ve been through, it’s hardly surprising. Do you trust me about the Abomination?”

“You’ve never steered me wrong before. I’ll still have to talk to Adam, though.” Mercy curled her fingers into Samuel’s fur. “This thing isn’t a threat to you, is it?”

Stefan chuckled. “The Abomination is trying to leave its past behind. As long as I don’t threaten it, then it has no need to threaten me.”

“Right.”

“Good night.”

“Good night.”

Mercy stared at the paused television screen, cradling her phone in her free hand.

There weren’t that many Volkswagen mechanics in the Tri-Cities. From the way Judith haggled, she was probably interested in finding the cheapest place. For all Mercy knew, she had visited other garages before finally settling on her. Jumping to conclusions was stupid. Asking Ben to get close to the woman to find out if she was who she claimed also ranked as equally stupid.

Mercy trusted Stefan. Always had, always would. If he said the Abomination was a reclusive type who wanted to live quietly, she was inclined to believe him.

She looked at Ben. His snarl had faded but his haunches were still tense, as if ready to spring forward. Mercy dropped her phone in her lap and laid a hand on his back. He relaxed slightly.

“Don’t worry about asking Judith out,” she said. “It was wrong of me to say that. Besides, it looks like there’s someone else on her radar.”

And the tension rushed back. Sighing, Mercy un-paused _Stranger Things_. If Ben had an issue with a vampire wooing his secretary, then that was his problem to work out. Personally, Mercy felt a tentative happiness about Stefan finding someone else. He deserved a little happiness.

#

On Monday morning, Ben stepped out of the elevator. The song of the moon vibrated in his bones. His wolf pulled on his restraints, leaving Ben longing for the feel of flesh beneath his fangs.

The smart thing would have been to call in sick. Ben knew he wasn’t in the best frame of mind to be around people. Now that he was “out”, all he had to say was that it was a werewolf thing and Lorna couldn’t protest. Not legally, anyway, though the bitch would find a way to punish him.

_Speaking of bitches…_

Ben strode over to Judith’s desk. She looked up as he approached and her shoulders stiffened. He grabbed her by the arm.

“We have to talk,” he said, hauling her to her feet.

Judith looked around, probably trying to find someone to help her, but it was still early. What few people were there paid them no attention.

“Release me,” she hissed.

He let her go. Not ready for it, she stumbled back a step but kept her balance. “What is your problem?” Judith spat. She kept her voice low.

“Stefan.”

She paled. “How did--? Not here.” Turning on her heel, she marched away. Ben followed. His wolf wanted him to give chase. He forced himself to follow slowly.

Judith led him into the copier room, flicking on the light as she went. He closed the door behind him—and locked it. Facing her, he crossed his arms over her chest and tried not to focus on the sweet-salt scent of her sweat.

She planted her hands on her hips. “What do you know about Stefan and me?”

“That you’re ‘good friends’.” He made air quotations around the phrase. “And I know you’re an idiot for dating a vampire.”

She flinched, her gaze going from his nose to his eyes. Ben bared his teeth and snarled. She dropped her eyes and lowered her hands.

“I’m not dating Stefan,” she replied.

“That’s what he said but it didn’t sound like that was what he wanted.” Ben crossed the space between them, crowding Judith into a corner. Her citrus and cinnamon perfume filled his nose at this distance, which was good. It kept him from smelling any fear she felt. And she had to be afraid, judging from the sudden gallop of her heart rate.

If it had been Mercy, she would have been doing all she could to diffuse the situation. Before, that meant acting submissive. Now, Mercy could draw on Adam’s power to cow just about any werewolf.

Judith, however, stood as still as stone, her every muscle taut as a drawn bowstring. He braced his hands on either side of her shoulders and leaned close.

“You shouldn’t play with vampires, little girl,” he told her.

“I am not a little girl. Why do you care what I do?”

That threw a little water onto the rage in his chest. Ben wasn’t sure why he cared. Stefan, as far as vampires went, was all right. He wouldn’t do anything to hurt Judith and if Judith told him she didn’t want to see him anymore, he would back off. (If he didn’t, Mercy would skin him) No doubt, Stefan was a complete effing gentleman with the ladies. The only real danger was if one of Stefan’s enemies decided to strike at him through one of his friends.

The thought made a small, subvocal growl rumble in his chest.

“Ben,” Judith said in a low voice, “your eyes are very bright. I don’t think you should be at work. You should—I mean—it might be best if you went home.” Slowly, she raised her hands and laid them on his chest. “I know what I’m doing with Stefan. You shouldn’t worry.” She risked another glance into his eyes before looking back down.

The wolf quieted at her touch, which was startling for a wide variety of reasons. He took in a deep breath and could only smell her sweat and perfume. Nothing to tell him what she felt, which almost pushed his wolf to the edge again.

“I don’t want you to get hurt,” he said, meaning it. He moved his hands from the walls to settle on her waist. He could feel the boning of her corset through her silk blouse.

“I’m not going to. I’ve known Stefan for a long time. He wouldn’t hurt me.” She rose her gaze to meet his. “Your eyes are turning back to blue.”

“So, you’ve been paying attention to my normal eye color? What else have you been staring at?”

Judith flushed and gave him a little push. “I need to get to work. If people see us in here like this, there’ll be talk.”

“Let them talk.”

She scowled. “Ben. Please move.” Dropping her hands, she balled them into fists.

Despite what others might say about him, Ben understood that no meant no. He stepped back and let his secretary pass, only to stop her with a touch on the shoulder. “Wait.”

Ben drew out his wallet. The Alpha had business cards made to be given to people who might need a werewolf's help. On it was Adam's name and a phone number. Mostly, it was a ploy to convince people into believing wolves were the good guys.

Scooping up a nearby pen, Ben jotted his cell phone number and home address on the back. He held out the card. Judith eyed it--and him--with distrust.

"In case being Stefan's friend brings unwanted attention," he explained.

She took the card slowly as if she suspected him of subterfuge. All the other times she took something from him, she'd always been careful to not touch him. This time, her fingertips slid over his.

Judith left him to consider what had just happened.

If a vampire sniffing around his DBA group secretary was enough to set off his territorial urges, then maybe Ben did need to go home for the day. And Judith would be safe at work. Tight security and the fact that it was daytime meant vampires weren’t going to suddenly descend upon her if he went home.

But that did not satisfy. His wolf wanted him to stay and Ben was not in a mood to argue.


	5. A Slut and a Traitor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated the archive warnings and the rating. I thought it would stay a very strong PG-13 but then stuff...happened. I'm not entirely certain what passes as "mature" on this site because I'm still new. However, I decided to play it safe. If the movie Deadpool didn't bother you, then this shouldn't bother you (hopefully). Nothing explicit.

Ben did not know how close he came that morning.

I didn’t know what it was about him that pushed my control to the brink but when he cornered me in the copy room, it took everything in me to keep my hands at my sides and my eyes lowered.

I wanted to sink my fangs into his throbbing carotid and drink deep of his blood and his power. I wanted to shove him onto the floor, straddling him, and show him other uses for his mouth.

Feeding and sexual desire tended to get muddled together. This was true for vampires and it was true for me. This was understandable because feeding is so very intimate. The sort of victim a vampire favored was often reflected in who that vamp chose to bed.

For example, Stefan always had a thing for survivors, the kind of people who persevered even when faced with incredible odds. I had yet to meet his menagerie but I expected it to be full survivalists who, when they did need a rescue, found themselves in the arms of Stefan. He made it so that you didn’t mind being ensnared by him at all. He made it feel almost natural. I think I was his only exception. He never tried to rescue me.

I wasn’t sure what it said about me that I found Ben increasingly compelling. He was nothing like the men I generally chose. He was far too pushy, for one. And snide. And just a general asshole. Looking back on the encounter, though, I realized it had less to do with territorialism and more to do with the stark honesty behind his words, “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Not, “you’re too stupid to know what’s right for you”. Not, “because you’re my property and I’m to decide who gets you”. Honest concern for my wellbeing. It had been a very long time since I had seen someone get pissed at me simply because I had put myself in danger. It rattled me.

I avoided Ben, as much as I could, for not only the rest of the day but also the rest of the week. Things got a little tense at a staff meeting when the only available seat was next to him. However, I am first and foremost a woman. Even when parked right next to a man, I am capable of giving the most frigid of cold shoulders.

Ben smirked at me. I spent the entire hour of the meeting imagining different ways of wiping that smirk away. Not all of them were violent.

Friday night was the first night with Greg, one of my new sheep from Seattle. Since I had fed the week prior, I thought about putting it off. However, the tension with Ben left me feeling fried and in need of a pick me up.

He groaned as I disengaged my fangs from the inside of his elbow. As I licked away the last of the blood, he ran a hand through my hair.

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured.

I bit my wrist and let him drink from me. Having sheep fall in love with me was a real danger. Many vampires cultivated it. I saw it as a necessary evil. Greg leaned into me as he drew on my wrist. I couldn’t bond with my sheep like a normal vampire. For about twenty-four hours, I can tell my sheep’s location and condition. But I could not call him. I could not change him.

“That’s enough, _tesoro_ ,” I crooned, disengaging him. Stefan’s van pulled up in front of my home.

Greg, with a satisfied expression, settled back onto the cushions of my sofa. His blood buzzed in me like good coffee. I almost floated to the door. When was the last time I had allowed myself two feeds in two weeks?

Stefan’s hand was raised to knock when I answered. He smiled. “ _Amore_ , you look lovely tonight.”

“Thank you.” I stepped back to let him inside.

He took in Greg on my sofa and raised a brow at me. I shrugged, feeling no desire to explain my meal choices. Stefan sat in the overstuffed armchair. As he made himself comfortable, I noticed he wore a tuxedo under his black overcoat.

“Greg, time to go,” I said. “You should be well enough to drive, no?”

Greg did not want to go home. I think he believed the night was going to end differently. If he kept it up, I was going to have to use my influence to change his thinking, as much as I hated that. Eventually, I got him out of the door.

“Are all your sheep blond?” Stefan asked.

“Don’t start with me,” I replied.

“And blue-eyed?”

“Why are you all dressed up?”

“Tonight, I want to take you dancing for your birthday.”

“That’s over a week away.”

“What’s wrong with celebrating early?” He bounded to his feet and pulled a long, narrow box from his pocket. “Happy birthday, _fragolina_.”

Sighing, I took it from him and opened it. A white gold bracelet in the shape of a flowering vine, topazes glittering in the flower’s centers, laid against white satin. “Stefano, it’s beautiful.”

“Not as beautiful as you.” The compliment sounded different from him than it did from Greg. More real. He plucked the bracelet from the box and clasped it around my wrist. “Say you’ll go out with me tonight.”

I knew I shouldn’t. Stefan still loved Mercy, no doubt, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he still had feelings about Marsilia. However, my growing fascination with Ben left me restless and uneasy. I couldn’t woo a werewolf again but it was becoming too difficult to ignore the growing attraction. Dancing with Stefan sounded like the perfect distraction.

And would it be such a bad thing if we tried to pick up from where we left off? If I chose to let my desire for Ben carry me away, I would only end up in a nest of lies and half-truths. With Stefan, I could be myself.

“Let me go find more appropriate clothing,” I said.

A grin of pure satisfaction crossed Stefan’s face. He kissed my hand and a familiar shiver danced down my spine.

#

Ben couldn’t sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Judith on her way out for the weekend.

She’d been giving him the silent treatment all week and it started to fray his nerves after a staff meeting. An entire meeting with her scent surrounded him, her heartbeat a soothing rhythm in his ear, and the strong desire to slide his arm around her shoulders. It was a stalemate between them and he was willing to break it for a little peace.

At the lift, he called for her. She gave him a look that could scorch iron before stepped through the sliding doors, hitting the close button. Mercy would have been impressed by that look.

Finally giving in, he dressed and went out for a brisk walk.

It was cold out and a quarter moon hung in the sky. Glancing up at it made his wolf stir lazily. Shoving his hands deep into his pockets, he started down the road, trying to not think about anything in particular. Ben barely paid attention to the chilly air and the slush he kicked through in his boots.

Christmas lights hung from homes in bulbs and icicles. Lawn ornaments depicting elves, Charlie Brown characters, Santa Claus, and reindeer glowed: bright icons of commercialism to keep the night at bay. It all looked so cheery. Ben looked at them without really seeing them.

Eventually, many miles later, he found himself in front of a bar. Suddenly wanting a stiff drink, he turned off the sidewalk.

Warmth washed over him as Ben pushed through the door. It barely made any difference to him. His internal temperature kept him happy in the winter, though summers were rarely any fun. To one side of the pub was a large dance floor. A crowd gathered there, clapping and laughing at a couple swinging over the polished wood. He barely paid them any mind on his way to the bar. After ordering some top-shelf whiskey, he turned to see what the fuss was about. What he saw made his stomach clench.

Judith danced in the arms of Stefan.

She looked like a goddess, wearing a dark purple, long-sleeved, tight-fitting dress. The split in the skirt displayed shapely calves and matching stilettos. A smile, big and beautiful, spread over her features as they moved through the steps.

Stefan, wearing a tuxedo and his hair slicked back into a ponytail, pressed one hand against the small of her back to hold her tight against him while cradling her hand with the other. He said something, making laugh. Her red tresses, normally bound in a bun, shimmered free and loose down her back.

Someone was growling, low and terrible. It took Ben a second to realize it was him.

Grabbing the glass of whiskey, he drank it back before slamming it back down onto the bar. His wolf was up, snarling and pressing against the edges of his restraint, and Ben barely kept that side of him under control as he pushed through the crowd to the edge of the dance floor.

The song ended with a flourish and with Stefan dipping Judith. She laughed, throaty and delighted. Something in Ben’s chest twisted in pain.

Onlookers applauded. Music started again. Couples moved onto the floor. Stefan and Judith didn’t move, though, their arms still around each other. He bent close to her ear and whispered something. His hand started to drift lower.

Without thinking, Ben strode across the floor. He grabbed Stefan and yanked him away from her. Stefan turned on him, snarling, just short of baring fang.

“Ben?” Judith’s eyes widened. “What are you doing here?”

Ben ignored her. “You’ll have to find your meal elsewhere.” He grasped Judith’s wrist and pulled her behind him.

The vampire looked him over. The ends of his lips twitched before he laughed. “Is that what you think is happening?”

Judith yanked her arm away. “Ben, I’m not anyone’s dinner.”

He looked at her. “If you really believe—“

She held up her hands. “My birthday is approaching. Stefan wanted to take me dancing.” She glanced around and lowered her voice. “Ben, this is not your concern.”

Judith was right. Ben had no place to care. Her being his secretary was not good enough. If she knew what she was getting into, then he had no call to tell her differently. He went from furious and trying to keep his wolf under control to embarrassed, ashamed, and still restraining his other half. His wolf growled in his chest, wanting to tear into the vampire.

“You’re right.” He gestured at Stefan. “Carry on.” With enormous effort, Ben shoved through the crowd until he was outside, where the air could cool his temper. Standing in the parking lot, he did a few deep breaths to better gain control over himself.

The pub door opened again. “Ben.”

He turned and watched Judith approach. As she came closer, he noticed she wore a different perfume that night: roses and musk. It was just enough for someone with a werewolf’s sense of smell to pick up. Or a vampire’s. It also did little to cover her emotions.

She smelled like lust and anger: a hell of a combination.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” she demanded.

“You’re playing a stupid game, luv. Vampires can’t be anyone’s friend.”

Judith flinched, pain flashing across her face. “Stefan says he’s good friends with Mercy.”

“Mercy isn’t—“ He stopped himself from saying ‘human’. Just because he was angry didn’t mean he could spill secrets. “She can take care of herself.”

“And you’re saying I can’t? You don’t know anything about me. I’ve known Stefan for years and he’s never tried to hurt me. You’re being a fool.”

Ben planted his hands on his hips and looked away. The fact that he responded as he had left him disturbed. Feeling protective toward his secretary made sense. He established the why months ago when Duffy tried to force himself onto Mel. But this was different. His wolf wasn’t trying to protect someone in his pack. He wanted to protect a potential mate.

Judith started back toward the pub.

“Happy birthday,” Ben called after her.

She stopped. “Still a little early for that. I don’t normally celebrate it all but Stefan insisted. I think he’s mostly just happy that I’m back in town. It had been a few years since he last saw me.”

“Yeah?”

Judith nodded and came back over. “You should have seen the look on his face when he realized I had moved here. You could have knocked the man over with a puff of wind.”

Ben could almost imagine that. “So. Only friends?”

She smiled. “Yes.” She crossed her arms, hunching her shoulders against the cold wind. “I did notice he was starting to make a move when you interrupted. We were something more, once, and I think he wants to pick up where we ended.”

Imagining Judith going to bed with Stefan did not do good things to his temper. “Should I apologize?”

Judith tilted her head. “I’m not sure.” She pursed her lips in an expression that bordered on cute. “Come dance with me.”

“I’m not much of a dancer.”

“Sometimes, it’s the partner that makes the difference. Come. It…might help me decide something.” She held out her hand.

After a second’s hesitation, he slipped his hand into hers and let her lead him back inside. Her hand felt cool in his but so did most everyone. The music had [changed to a modern song with a quick beat](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AlJOmDUHJ3Q). The singer murmured about a man she wanted, whispering French between lines in the chorus.

Judith pulled him onto the dance floor. She stepped close, nearly touching, and began to move, rolling her hips sinuously. Unable to help himself, Ben grasped her waist and moved with her, shifting with the beat. She twined her wrists behind his neck. 

His nose told him the vampire was still nearby but Ben paid no mind. Her scent—musk, roses, sweat, and a darker something—filled his nose. He heard her heart beating, the blood flowing through her veins. Looking up into her eyes, he noticed flecks of green in the blue depths. Desire rode thickly in the air around them.

The song ended and, before he could stop himself, Ben dipped his head down to capture her mouth with his.

Judith tasted like wine and sweetness. She pressed against him, letting him explore her mouth with his tongue while she buried her hands in his hair.

A soft wind brushed over them. She jerked away, searching the crowd.

“What is it?” he asked, breathless.

“Stefan left.”

Ben went still. “Do you want to go after him?”

She looked back up at him. It could have been his imagination or the lighting, but it looked almost as if her eyes had darkened in color. “No. I want to stay with you.”

Going up on her toes, Judith kissed him again. Heat tore through him and Ben wanted her naked flesh under his fingers. The past week’s frustration made him tremble as it sought release. He pushed her back, up against the wall, and moved from her mouth to kiss along her throat.

“Ben,” Judith moaned.

“I want to take you home,” he growled in her ear.

“Yes.”

Taking her hand, he led her outside.

“I have my car,” she said.

“The fugly one?”

She laughed. “It’s not that bad.”

The car ride was a short one. Which was good because, in the streetlight, Ben was able to appreciate the lines of her breasts in profile. At a stoplight, he slipped a hand between her legs, making her gasp and clutch at the steering wheel.

Once at his place, they were barely out of the car before Ben started kissing her again. Now that he had done it once, he couldn’t get enough of it. She was intoxicating and his wolf hummed in pleasure.

While he fumbled with his keys, she repaid him for what he did at the stoplight but dipping a hand into his jeans. He groaned, knees nearly giving out, and the door came open. Ben pulled her inside and kicked the door closed behind them.

Judith pulled the coat from his shoulders and tossed it aside. Her hands slid greedily under his shirt even as he yanked it off. She bit him, lightly, on his collarbone. Ben gasped and fumbled with her dress. When the seams tore, she laughed, a husky sound that drove him mad.

They left a line of garments behind them on their way to the bedroom. His fingers stumbled with the ties of her corset and she shimmied out of it as soon as it loosened.

“Holy fuck, woman,” he muttered, seeing her pale flesh lit up by the dim moonlight pouring in through the blinds. She looked ethereal. His heart clenched. He threw her onto the bed and crawled on top of her. “I’ve wanted this since the first day I saw you.”

“Show me,” she whispered, running her fingers down his bare back.

He was happy to oblige.

#

The salty, greasy scent of bacon frying woke me. I stared up at the ceiling, a pleasant ache between my legs, and thought blissfully of nothing. I could hear Ben moving around in the kitchen. Coffee was on the make, perfuming the air.

Stefan’s face rose in my mind. Sighing, I closed my eyes. He wanted to seduce me last night and I took on another man in front of him. The bracelet he gave me felt cold against my wrist. Shame rolled over me. He had to be heartbroken.

But I hadn’t made any promises. I only said I would dance with him. I didn’t say I would take him to bed. I didn’t say I would let myself love him again.

Seeing Ben charge out of the crowd to protect me against the big, bad vampire filled me with a sensation I had never known before. I had never, not with Stefan or Daniel or anyone else, known what it was like to have someone throw himself forward to protect me.

I touched the locket around my neck. Daniel, I knew, had wanted to protect me, but he always held back. He knew I could take care of myself. So, he let me fight my battles, which had been fine. It never occurred to me that it would stop being fine, that I would want something else. Hell, I didn’t even know until Ben was in the process of doing it.

Ben looked at me with heat and longing. Stefan, though, I wasn’t sure wanted _me_. I think he wanted only the idea of me or recapture something from the past.

I danced with Ben because I could no longer stand looking at him without touching him. I danced with him because I wanted to keep that heat and longing directed at me and nowhere else.

I kicked off the covers and got out of bed. My clothes laid folded neatly on a nearby chair, my black and red corset draped over the back. Not feeling like putting those on, I went through his bureau until I came up with a grey t-shirt. I wasn’t done, yet, with being covered in his scent.

Ben stood in front of the stove, heaping bacon on a plate and wearing only a pair of dark blue pajama bottoms. Early morning light spilling through a window traced the lines of his shoulders. I came up behind him and followed the sun’s path with my fingertips.

He turned and, wrapping one arm around my waist, kissed me. “Good morning.”

“Good morning. Did you sleep well?”

“Mmm.” He kissed my neck.

I giggled and pulled away. “I should go. I don’t want to take up your Saturday.”

He caught my hand. “Stay for breakfast?”

“All right.” Stools lined a kitchen island and I perched on one.

“How do you take your coffee?”

“With cream and sugar.”

Neither of us spoke again until Ben sat across from me, with plates of food and mugs of steaming coffee between us.

“Last night was amazing,” I said. “Best pre-birthday celebration I’ve had in a long while.”

He chuckled. Ben’s face changed when he genuinely smiled. All the grumpiness and sarcasm fell away, like clouds fleeing a summer-bright sky.

“How long, exactly,” he said, “have you known Stefan?”

And, just like that, the wonder of the moment faded. I lowered the fork full of scrambled egg and stared at my plate. I knew I needed to tell Ben the truth. 

Though thresholds did not prevent me entering a home, I was still taught the sanctity of another person’s personal space. Ben had brought me not only into the sacred space of his house but also himself. From the way he came to me in bed, it appeared that it had been a long time since Ben had touched someone intimately. I know I responded in that manner.

However, if I told him the truth, he would reject me. His words from last night came back to me: vampires can’t be anyone’s friend. I wasn’t a vampire, not fully. Ben wasn’t a human. What burgeoned between us ran deeper than friendship. Maybe. Hopefully. Either way, the sentiment remained.

“Judith?”

I looked up at him. “Ben, last night was great and I hope we can continue with-with this. Not only sex but-but perhaps a relationship.” I grasped the locket at my neck. “I just don’t know if I’m ready yet to tell you everything. Can it suffice that I’ve known Stefan for a long time?”

Ben stared at me, his face without expression and eyes hard.

“You saw my body last night,” I blathered. My heart crawled up to the base of my throat. “I’m not marked.”

“Yeah,” he whispered. “I noticed that.”

“I’m asking for your trust.”

“I don’t trust easily.”

“Nor should you. I’m…only afraid you won’t understand.”

He didn’t answer, only stared at me without emotion. Pain, sharp as serrated steel, went through me.

“I should go,” I whispered. “Thank you for breakfast.”

Feeling his eyes on me, I returned to the bedroom. As I fumbled for my clothes, I heard him come up behind me. My hands stilled.

“Ben, I’m sorry,” I said, feeling like the world’s greatest fool. Tears thickened the back of my throat but I wasn’t going to cry, dammit. It had only been one night.

He took my arm and turned me around. Cupping my face in his hands, he bent down and kissed me gently.

I slid my tongue into his mouth and he sighed. Hands on the back of my thighs, he lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around my waist.

Ben sat down on the bed. “Judith, you don’t have to tell me everything right away. I’ve got secrets, too. Just don’t lie to me.”

“I won’t. I promise.”

He kissed the hollow of my throat. “We should go finish breakfast,” he murmured against my skin.

“Good idea.” I pulled the t-shirt off and tossed it aside.

#

Somehow, I managed to spend the whole day at Ben’s. I really did mean to leave sooner. Eventually, we ate the actual breakfast foods. Then, I noticed his DVD collection and remarked that _Deadpool_ was my favorite movie. That meant we had to watch it, right then.

We missed part of it because of a spontaneous make-out session, which meant we had to back up the DVD.

Afterward, Ben decided he needed a shower. It seemed rude to let him do that alone. Amazing how long showers took when it involved two people. Also, shower sex was not nearly as fun as movies made it appear but we did our best.

In such a way, the day passed. When the sun started to cant toward the western horizon, I reluctantly pried myself out of Ben’s very capable hands.

“I have to call Stefan,” I told Ben. I had promised, after all, not to lie. “That’s a phone conversation I don’t want within range of your super werewolf hearing.”

“And what would you know about super werewolf hearing?”

“Plenty.” I poked him in the chest. “You’re not my first wolf.”

He raised a brow. “I’m not?” He pressed his hand over his heart. “I’m shocked and dismayed!”

“I bet you are.” I kissed his chin. “I’ll see you Monday.”

He grabbed my waist to haul me back against him. “What if I want to see you sooner?”

“You’re the computer expert. Find my cell phone number.”

“Are you suggesting I have to hack the company’s HR records just to see you again?”

“If you really want something, you’ll work for it. I mean, if I don’t play hard to get, Ben, you’ll take me for granted.” I extricated myself. The purple dress was so torn, it wasn’t decent. I pointed at the tears. “You owe me a new dress, by the way.” Snatching up his grey t-shirt, I pulled it on, covering the holes in the seams.

His laughter followed me outside. The sun’s rays pierced my eyes and I winced. Because I had gone out during the night, I hadn’t bothered to bring my sunglasses in my small clutch purse. It was also painfully ironic. I had spent the entire day pretending to be a normal human woman, frolicking in the bed of a man, only for reality to stab me in the corneas.

Squinting, I stumbled into my car and fumbled in the jockey box until I came upon an old pair. I jammed those on and headed home.

#

Stefan told me he rose before full dark now. The sun wasn’t quite down by the time I pulled into my garage. I knew if I called, he could be alive enough to answer. I stared at my cell phone for thirty seconds before losing my nerve.

After scrounging around in the kitchen, I cobbled together two cold cut sandwiches. Twilight descended in the meantime.

Stefan would definitely have a pulse by now. I called up his number on my cell phone. Then, I set it down and washed dishes.

“You’re being a coward,” I snarled to myself. I dried my hands on a towel and called the Soldier.

It went to voicemail.

I pinched my nose and took a deep breath. “Stefan, it’s Judith. I’m sorry about last night. There’s no excusing my behavior and I didn’t mean to hurt you. If you want to talk, you can call me. You-you can have the bracelet back if you want.” I disconnected.

Setting the phone onto the counter, I waited. Waited for the phone to ring. For a knock on the door. For the subtle shift of air that meant he had appeared in the room.

None of those things happened. Full dark set in. The house grew colder. Never in my life did I feel more like a slut and traitor than I did in that moment.


	6. Office Romance

Ben didn’t always go to the Sunday breakfasts at Adam’s house. That Sunday, though, he was definitely in the mood.

“Good morning,” he said cheerily as he came into the kitchen. The conversation at the table came to a stumbling halt. Ben ignored them and went straight to the coffee maker.

“You feeling okay, Ben?” asked Francis, one of the new guys.

“I am fantastic, Frankie. How are you?” From the selection of coffee mugs, Ben chose a white one that said “Ray of Sparkling Sunshine” in gold letters.

“Um. I’m good?”

Ben piled up a plate with Darryl’s world-famous French toast, under the bemused eyes of said werewolf, and joined his fellows at the table. There were more wolves downstairs but Ben didn’t feel like moving very far from the coffee. He had been up most of the night on the computer.

Adam strolled in, empty mug in hand. “What’s put you in a good mood, Ben?”

He swallowed his food. “Well. It’s a beautiful day. Birds are singing. Christmas is coming. What’s not to love?”

Darryl shook his head. “The fae have swapped him out with a fetch. That’s the only explanation.”

The mobile phone in Ben’s pocket burst into the opening bars of “I’m Too Sexy”. The consequences of leaving his phone unattended around Judith. Given the wide-eyed looks from his mates, it was worth it.

“Good morning, luv,” he said into the phone.

“Good morning.” Judith’s voice sounded like a smile. “I got your text message. You have a filthy mind, Ben Shaw.”

“Thank you.”

“What are you doing right now?”

“Eating the best French toast in the world.”

“At home?”

“No. I’m at my Alpha’s house.”

A pause. “You’re surrounded by your pack right now?”

“Mmhmm.” He sipped his coffee. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Mercy stroll in. “Be careful of what you say.”

At that moment, Ben knew he fucked up.

Judith let out a low moan that liquefied his knees and stiffened other things. “I ache for your touch, Ben. I need you, _cucciolo mio_. _Voglio le tue mani su tutto il corpo.*_ ” She carried on in Italian for a bit. In that breathy tone and thickening accent, she could have been talking about the weather or reading from the motherfucking phone book and it would have still sounded like pure auditory sex.

When she finally finished, Ben cleared his throat. “I don’t speak Italian, pet.”

“Why don’t you come over and I’ll translate? Finish eating, though. You’ll need your strength.” She disconnected. A few uncomfortable seconds later, a text message came onto the screen. It was her address.

Ben felt his cheeks reddening. The air was heavy with the scent of arousal and he wasn’t sure if it was all his.

Frankie piped up. “I took two years of Italian in college. I think she said—“

Ben glared at him until the idiot wisely shut his damn mouth. Mercy giggled. He turned in his chair. Adam laid a hand on the small of her back, subtly reminding Ben that there would be no glaring at his mate. Ben arched a brow.

“ _Cucciolo_ means ‘little puppy’, I think,” she explained. “I picked up a few words from Stefan.”

Everyone, save Ben, cracked up. As dignified as he could, he stood, feeling very grateful that his legs were even functional. “Mercy, can I talk to you? In private?”

Laughter—and the walker in question—followed him out of the room and upstairs. Ben decided that what he needed to talk about was worth using the Alpha’s office. Mercy didn’t object as he closed the door.

“I didn’t mean to embarrass you,” she said. “Though, as much as you’ve done to others in the pack, you do have it coming. I guess you decided to ask out Judith after all.”

“In a manner of speaking. There might be a problem? I’m not sure yet, though.”

She crossed her arms. “What’s up?”

He gave Mercy the shortened, sanitized version of Friday night’s events, up until he and Judith left together. “You know Stefan better than I do. He saved our lives when the sorcerer had us. But love makes a man do stupid shit. Is Judith in any danger?”

“If what Marsilia did to him and his menagerie wasn’t enough to send him on a killing a spree, I think you’re safe. Stefan never mentioned a Judith to me but he’s never really talked about his past. I don’t know how close the connection is. You said Judith was supposed to call him?”

“Yeah.”

“Stefan is honorable—well, as honorable as a vampire can be. I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Do you want me to talk to him?”

He shook his head. “I’ll talk to Judith first.”

“Stefan knows that if he touches you or anyone you care about, he’ll have to deal with me.”

“I know. But, like I said, love makes people stupid and I don’t want Judith to get hurt.” He started toward the door.

“Ben?”

He paused with his hand on the knob. “Yeah?”

“I’m happy for you.”

A slow smile crossed his face. “Thanks. If you’ll excuse me, I need to go get my strength up."

Mercy laughed and Ben didn’t mind that quite so much.

\--

_*Voglio le tue mani su tutto il corpo._ – I want your hands all over my body.

#

We spent Sunday day and night together but were careful to arrive at work in separate vehicles and spaced apart in time. When I completed my orientation, it was emphasized that the company frowned upon office romance. It wasn’t a deal breaker by any means but it was not encouraged.

As I parked my car, hopefully arriving ten minutes after Ben, I reflected on the weekend.

Stefan had not returned my calls. After Ben passed out from a day mostly spent naked, I went into my back garden to try again to reach the vampire. Like last time, it rang a few times before going to voicemail. I left a message asking him to call me so we could clear the air. At this point, I wondered if I needed to go to his home.

Oh, that would make for a confrontation worthy of those trashy afternoon talk shows. Stefan and I were once known for rather explosive arguments in our time together. However, that was long ago. The Stefan I originally fell in love with would have already challenged Ben to a duel. He would have answered the phone to shout, in profanity-laced Italian, what he really thought about the whole business.

In light of that, silence was troubling. Had he changed so much or was he holding in his anger for a more opportune moment?

Sighing, I got out of the car. There was something else to consider, as well.

Sex and food for vampires sometimes meant the same thing. My desire to drink from Ben was becoming uncomfortably strong. My control was excellent; I didn’t fear suddenly losing it in the midst of orgasm. The fact that I felt it toward Ben was enough to bother me.

Perhaps it was the intensity of our attraction. Within twenty-four hours, we went from passing snide comments to going at it like hormone-crazed teenagers. Perhaps I needed a little time to adjust, to let the ardor have a chance to cool.

It sounded so adult and mature, I felt almost like my actual age and not the one on my forged birth certificate.

I rounded a corner, walking toward my desk, and came upon Ben talking with a few coworkers. He had stopped at his home for a quick shower and change of clothes.

He wore a tailored, heather grey dress shirt and pale green tie. The shirt hugged his shoulders and followed the tapered line of his body. My fingers twitched, remembering the ripple of muscle beneath the skin of his back. His pale blond hair brushed the tops of ears and collar. He would need to trim it soon but I wanted to see it longer. I loved a man with hair long enough for a braid.

His pressed, pale khaki slacks were tight around his backside. The backside I sank my nails into that morning as I trembled under feel of him inside me. His hands were in his pockets and he stood in a loose, casual stance, which belied the sense of power and dominance that trembled around like the first rumbles of a thunderstorm. It wasn’t until I met his eyes that I remembered to breathe.

Men were not allowed to be so beautiful. I glared at him before I stomped away.

One of the coworkers, Ken, remarked, “Damn, Shaw. What did you do to piss her off?”

#

Women were not allowed to be that damn gorgeous.

Judith’s hair was pulled back in a loose French braid. Now that he’d seen her first thing in the morning—tousled, sleepy, and red lines across her cheek left by a pillow—he recognized the pinks and taupe of the cosmetics that brought out the color in her cheeks and drew attention to the pure blue of her eyes.

She carried her coat over one arm, showing off her wardrobe choices to the world. She eschewed her normal skirt suit for a cream knit wool, long-sleeved dress that stopped at her knees. Instead of her more practical shoes, she wore peach high heels that emphasized her round calves. He kissed the length of them that morning, pausing to tease the backs of her knees with his tongue while she squealed and begged him to stop.

His eyes returned to her face, which he had seen in both anger and passion. She glared at him before striding away. What had he managed to do between that glare and her screaming his name a couple of hours ago?

Ken made an obnoxious sound that it took Ben a moment to translate into actual words.

“Good question,” he mused. “I’m going to find out.” Ben went after his quarry.

Judith deposited her items at her desk and, scooping up her coffee cup, headed toward the company kitchen. He didn’t hurry, though, and caught up with her as she poured herself some of the office sludge. Ben glanced over his shoulder. They were alone and no one could see where they stood unless they came into the room.

Ben brushed his hand down her spine and was rewarded with a shiver. “What did I do to deserve that look?”

She wrinkled her nose at him. “You’re too good looking for your own good.”

“I was going to say the same about you. How dare we sexy creatures exist?” He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned a hip against the counter. “When is your birthday? You said it was coming up.”

“Next Wednesday.”

“And how old will you be, Miss Belmonte?”

“It’s rude to ask that of a lady.”

“If I ever see a lady, I’ll remember that.”

Her mouth dropped open in indignation.

Ben brushed his thumb over her chin. “Now, which one of us called someone at his Alpha’s house and talked dirty in Italian where everyone could hear?”

Judith scowled. “You shouldn’t have tempted me.”

“What do you want to do tonight?”

“Um.” She stiffened. The cinnamon-orange-whatever perfume she wore at work masked her emotions but her body betrayed sudden reluctance. She glanced over her shoulder. “Ben, I wonder if we should apply the brakes a little. A lot happened in a short amount of time and I don’t want us to burn out.” She leaned close. “There is such a thing as too much of a good thing.”

Approaching footsteps caused them to pull back. Judith sipped her coffee to hide her expression. Ben engrossed himself in the refrigerator-cleaning schedule tacked on a cabinet door. The coworker, one of the programmers, stowed his lunch in the fridge before leaving them alone.

“Was it something I did?” groused Ben. Things were so hot and heavy between them; he wanted to think something happened to cause her to backpedal. Had Stefan called her after all?

“No.” Despite her perfume, he felt the honesty behind her denial. “I just think it might be better to pace ourselves. We can see each other on Friday.” She grinned and it was both coy and wicked. “And I’m not done talking dirty to you in Italian. Keep your phone on you.”

As she started to walk away, he caught her hand. “Have you heard from our mutual friend?”

Her hand tightened on his briefly before pulling away. “No. I’m a little worried.”

“You don’t think he could do something?”

“Not to us. Hopefully, he’s just sitting in his room, brooding.”

“Maybe.”

“If I hear from him, I’ll let you know.”

“Be careful. Vampires—“

“I know how dangerous he can be, Ben.” Her face grew serious. “You don’t need to remind me.”

Ben watched her walk away. Something about how she said that hinted at a larger story. He wondered what it could be.


	7. Whatever This Is

I probably should have told Ben I planned on going to Stefan’s house that night. However, he would have wanted to come along. I needed an honest conversation with Stefan, though, and Ben’s presence would prevent that.

I left work on time and changed clothes, purposefully selecting apparel that was both not sexy and comfortable. Stefan would be attracted to me even if I wore burlap but I wasn’t going to encourage him. If it had Ben I was about to see, I would have just stripped naked and wrapped myself in a sheet. It would save time.

Full dark settled onto the land in thick shadows when I stopped outside Stefan’s home. Above, heavy clouds blocked the stars. The forecasters called for snow. I could smell it on the sharp, cold air as I trudged up the front walk.

Stefan lived in a prosperous-looking neighborhood, in a brick two-story that looked as if it could feature in a Hallmark movie. Trust Stefan to purchase a family friendly home. Unlike other vampires, he saw his menagerie as something approaching family. I pressed the doorbell.

After a few moments, an older teen answered the door. “Can I help you?” She eyed me warily.

“Is Stefan home?” I asked.

“Who are you?”

“Judith.”

The girl’s upper lip curled. “You’re the bitch.”

I stepped close and let my façade drop slightly, allowing some of my inner monster peek through. “Take care, child. I may just decide to eat you.”

She blanched and the heavy stink of fear rolled off her. I pushed past her into the house.

“Stefan?” I called. “I will go through this house until I find you. And I am in the mood for a hunt.”

It was true. Ever since I left the office, a restlessness settled into my bones. I wasn’t quite sure of the cause, yet.

A door upstairs opened and closed. Soft, socked footsteps pattered down the hall. Stefan appeared at the top of the stairs. He looked hollow-eyed and closed off. My stomach twisted. I had done that to him.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“I got your message,” he said, hoarsely.

“Do you forgive me?”

He didn’t answer and pain lanced through me.

“I did you wrong,” I admitted. “What recompense can I give?”

“There is no recompense great enough. You were with me but you left with _him_.”

“I wasn’t with you, Stefan. I agreed to go dancing. We danced. That was all that was going to happen.”

Suddenly, he was standing in front of me. I hadn’t even seen him move, something he would have had to work at to do. He grabbed me by the arms. “Didn’t what we have mean anything to you?”

“Did it mean anything?” I shoved him hard enough to send him into the banister with a satisfying _crack_. “It meant _everything_ to me, you bastard! But you were the one who left! I had to convince myself that you never really loved me just so I could let you go.”

He flinched and dropped his eyes. “I did love you.”

“Well, you had a hell of a way of showing it.” From my purse, I drew out the box containing the bracelet. “Friday night, I acted on my instincts and I hurt you. For that, I am deeply sorry.” I set the box on a nearby table. “I half-expected you to challenge Ben to a fight.”

Stefan chuckled. “Like I did with that duke?”

“Oh, you mean the potbellied one I had no intention of even touching?”

“He made a move on you.”

“And you gutted him in the street for it. I still remember how his bowels smelled when they ruptured.”

“I stank of his blood. I made love to you while covered in it.”

“It was the night you first told me you loved me.”

“And you reciprocated.”

“I would have kept reciprocating until the end of time. But you left. And I can’t risk you leaving again.”

“You’ve told Ben the truth, then?”

“Not yet.”

Stefan raised a brow. “I wonder what his reaction will be once he’s learned you’re lying to him.”

“I haven’t lied to him.”

“By omission, then.”

That hit a little too close to home. My hands clenched into fists. “Good night, Stefan.”

“Good night, Judith.”

I turned on my heel and left that house before I said something we would both regret.

#

Ben tapped his foot as he waited. It was probably not a good time to call. Warren was probably sitting down to supper with his boy toy. But, what he needed to ask couldn’t wait.

“Yes, Ben?” Warren asked, his Texan drawl rolling over the line.

“Don’t laugh. I need advice.”

Kyle, in the background, said, “That better not be werewolf business. We’re having a quiet dinner tonight.”

Warren, ignoring his partner, asked, “This wouldn’t have to do with a certain phone call I heard you received at Adam’s house yesterday?”

“How much of the pack knows about that?”

“All of them. Francis even worked up a rough translation that he’s been passing around. I have a copy of it if you want me to read it to you. You can tell me how right he is.”

Ben groaned and rubbed his face with his free hand.

“You’re bringing her to the pack Christmas party, I hope.”

Judith, his sex-kitten-slash-red-haired-goddess, in a house full of werewolves? There would be blood. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“She’s yours, Ben.” Warren’s voice was gentle. “No one else would touch her.”

He grunted. Warren was right but Ben’s gut was not entirely convinced.

“What did you need advice about?”

“Her birthday is coming up and I don’t know what to buy for her. And is it bad that she wants space right after we started fu, er, seeing each other?”

“For the first part, I can’t help you. You know her better than I do. Just don’t buy negligee. Not for the first gift, anyway. For the second part…” Ben heard Warren’s clothes rustle as he shrugged. “Maybe things are just moving too fast for her. Not necessarily a bad thing if she’s already eyeing the exits. Mercy did that plenty of times with Adam. He let her have her space and it all ended well.”

“It almost didn’t.” He still remembered how the strain of that stirred up trouble in the pack. Mercy had been declared mate but hadn’t filled the hole, mostly out of ignorance. Adam tried to take up the slack, which left him struggling to control his wolf. And if the Alpha couldn’t control his wolf, the lesser wolves struggled as well. It was a fucking mess.

“But you’re not the Alpha of a pack,” Warren pointed out. “You can afford the time to coax the filly into the stable.”

“I’m not making her my mate. It’s a little early for me to say what we are.” _I just don’t want to lose her so quickly._

Warren grunted as if he heard those unspoken words. Ben fiddled with a piece of junk mail on the counter. Restlessness consumed him ever since he left work and he wasn’t entirely sure why. It was probably because of Judith wanting space.

“A shawl,” Warren said.

“What?”

“For her birthday. It’s not expensive like jewelry and whenever she wears it, she’ll think of you.”

“I like that. Thanks.”

“Anytime.”

Ben disconnected and started making supper. He decided on lasagna. It made a lot and was easy. As a werewolf, he consumed a ton of food.

A familiar car pulled up as he slid the dish into the oven. He was already halfway to the door by the time the doorbell rang.

Judith, in grubby jeans and a thick blue sweater that was a size too big, stood on his front porch with heartbreak riding the air around her. Pain reflected in her eyes. He gathered her into his arms and held her for a long time.

“You spoke to Stefan,” he said. Ben smelled the vampire in her hair. “He hurt you.” That last bit came out in a growl.

“We hurt each other,” she replied, her voice barely above a whisper.

“Is everything between you all right?”

Judith laughed. It sounded bitter and broken. “Nothing has been all right between us for a while. I think we got used to pretending it was.”

He rubbed her back. “What do you want me to do, pet?”

She drew back. “Take me inside. Feed me some supper because I’m starving. And then I’d like to forget about ex-lovers and focus on my current one.”

“I thought you wanted to put the brake on.”

“We can do that tomorrow. But tonight…” Her voice caught and unshed tears glimmered in her eyes. “Tonight, I need you. I need us—I need whatever this is between us.”

The restlessness that had been plaguing him all evening settled. Ben kissed her.

#

Ben stood in front of his mother. She turned the pages of her fashion magazine.

“Benjamin, your father wants you. He’s in the study.”

In the weird logic of dreams, he was already walking down the steps to the study. His perfect mother couldn’t know what awaited him. What he couldn’t fight against because it was his father.

_And if I can’t fight, was it really rape?_

The familiar pressure built in his chest as he descended the steps. Sheer panic and dread turned his gut inside out.

Judith met him at the bottom of the stairs. She wore the cream dress from work. She knelt in front of him. “You’re not going to see your father, today or any day. He can’t hurt you anymore.” She held out her hand. “Come with me, Ben.”

He took her hand. Instead of turning down the hall to the study, she drew him to a door that hadn’t been there before. Judith opened it and bright light washed over them.

#

Looking over my shoulder, I watched Ben smile softly in his sleep.

When was the last time I entered someone’s dreams? Usually, it took several blood exchanges before I could do that. I hadn’t fed on Ben. Feeding certainly wasn’t something I could do accidentally or in my sleep. He did not bear my mark.

So…how?

I reached out with my mind, searching for a bond of any kind. However, there was nothing. Just myself in my head and no magic between us.

What was more troubling was the information I had learned. Ben’s father molested him as a child on a regular basis. It made my skin crawl. There were such predators in the vampire world. They were protected by their power or their seethe. There were no laws to keep them from preying on children for sex or blood or both.

When I could, I killed those sons of bitches. Father discovered my hobby, though, and ordered me to stop. At the time, he had the ability to make such an order stick and I was forced to stand on the sidelines.

If Ben knew that I knew of his past—I wasn’t sure how that conversation would go. First of all, it would mean explaining what I was. Secondly, Ben struck me as the character who wouldn’t want his mind violated because it was too much like bodily violation. Thirdly, he probably wouldn’t believe me if I told him it had been an accident.

So, he couldn’t know. But if Ben’s father still lived, he better hope he never met me on a dark street. I would have no problem feeding the ground his heart’s blood. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more a trip to England sounded like a good idea.

I snuggled up to Ben. He muttered and rolled, pinning me onto the bed. I ran my fingers down his back and then raked my nails a little harder on the return trip. He moaned, shifting until he rested between my legs.

Half-asleep, he made slow love to me. I bit my lip and tried not to make much noise. I didn’t want to break the dreamlike quality of the encounter. Though I loved rough-and-tumble sex, I liked it when Ben was sweet. He got such a vulnerable look on his face, like he was pouring his heart out onto me.

At the moment, though, his face was buried in my neck. I had to imagine.

Ben shifted his face so that his mouth was next to my ear. “Goddess,” he muttered. “My goddess. My beautiful girl. My girl. Mine.”

He continued, repeating the same phrases over and over like a prayer. I made a small sound as I approached orgasm and he tightened his hold on me.

“Mine,” he choked out as he climaxed. I arched against him, reaching my own ecstasy at the same time.

He fell back into full sleep still inside me and I drifted after him.

#

The rest of the week passed with us taking turns at each other’s houses. I emptied out a drawer in my bedroom so he could put his clothes there. The idea, apparently, of us putting the brake on things had gone out of the window when I came to him after seeing Stefan.

On Friday morning, Ben dropped a kiss on my forehead. “See you at work,” he said.

“Mm-hmm.” I went back to applying my makeup as I sat at my vanity table. I listened to him walk through the house, happy in how he moved through it with ease even though we’d been together a mere week.

He opened the front door but hesitated. His feet tread heavily as he returned to the bedroom. “You have a delivery.”

“What?” I looked up.

Ben held a long box, the kind used in some flower deliveries. He held it to his nose and sniffed.

“What is it?” I asked. “Does it, I don’t know, smell like Stefan?” If it had, I would have picked up on it. However, I was supposed to be human and a human would ask that question.

“No. It smells human. I just can’t place it. And it also smells like roses.”

I took it from him. Now that I held it, I could pick up the subtle scents of a human. I didn’t recognize the person. Slowly, as if an adder was going to leap out, I lifted the lid. The box contained three deep red roses.

I emptied the box onto the bed. “No card,” I said, peeling back the tissue paper.

“One of Stefan’s people could have brought it,” Ben said.

“You recognize a scent?”

“No, but I haven’t met all of his people, sheep, whatever. Who else would send you flowers?” He raised a brow. “Unless there’s another ex-lover in the area?”

I snorted. “No. They have to be from him.” I shoved the roses back into the box. “Feel free to toss those in the trash on your way out.”

“That’s my girl,” he said. “We won’t keep these nasty damn flowers. They might have cooties.”

I laughed.

Ever since Monday night, he’d taken to calling me his girl, like he did when he made love to me in his half-waking state.

“Off with you,” I said. “I need to finish getting ready.” I smacked him on the ass.

He saluted me with the box and left. As I finished applying lipstick, I wondered if I needed to have another talk with Stefan. It made sense if he wasn’t so eager to give up. In fact, it would be strange if he did.

No, the delivery was meant to provoke a response. Contacting him about it was probably what he wanted. I did wonder how the delivery person managed to drop them off without waking Ben or me. Maybe it was in the darkest hours of the night, when sleep was heaviest.

But a bad feeling remained in the pit of my stomach for the rest of the day.


	8. Never Letting Go

“A Christmas party?” I asked in a tone usually reserved for discussions about colonoscopies.

We were on our first actual date. On a Wednesday, too, because it was my birthday. He bought me flowers (white lilies) and took me to a steakhouse. The restaurant must be used to serving werewolves because the server didn’t blink when Ben ordered two nine ounce steaks, rare, plus sides, just for himself.

“The pack has one every year,” Ben explained. “Christmas is on a Tuesday this time, so the party is on Saturday.”

Tomorrow was the office Christmas party. Only a skeleton crew remained behind for Christmas and New Year’s. Some people had already left to fly home for the holidays. After tomorrow, only people who had volunteered to work over the holidays would stay behind. So, a party on a Thursday rather than a Friday.

I already dreaded the office party. I wouldn’t go at all if Lorna hadn’t said it was mandatory for those still in town. She called it “obligatory fun”. One day, I was going to give into temptation and push her down the stairs.

A party at a house full of wolves sounded like a nightmare. My very fertile imagination supplied me with a dozen different ways it could end badly.

Ben’s hand covered mine. “What’s with the fear? You said I wasn’t your first wolf.”

“Wolf in singular,” I replied. “How many are in your pack? How many are going to be there?”

“Your wolf didn’t have a pack?”

I pulled my hand away from his. “ _You’re_ my wolf. He was…a long time ago.” I touched my locket before I could stop myself.

“I said I wouldn’t push.”

But he wanted an answer. I had to give him something.

“I was his mate,” I blurted. “And he died. His pack didn’t like me, so I wasn’t close to any of them. And that’s all I really want to say about it.” I clasped my hands in my lap.

An uneasy silence filled the space between us. If it remained unbroken, it would become a wall, and I didn’t know how to stop that. Not without the truth. And I was too much of a coward for the truth.

“Wow.” Ben fiddled with his fork. “A vampire ex-lover and a dead werewolf mate.”

“My life got complicated.” My life was still complicated. _Fucking hell._

“We don’t have to go to the party.”

“No.” I laid my hand on the one holding the fork. “No, it’s fine. It’s important to you, right?”

His eyes met mine and he slowly nodded. I could tell it cost him something to tell me that.

“Then I’ll go. There will be humans there, right?”

“Yeah.” He grasped my hand. “You’ll be fine. And if any of the wolves give you trouble, I’ll kick their asses.”

I smiled. “What’s a pack Christmas party without a brawl?”

Ben laughed. The wall slowly growing between us vanished. But only for the moment because something else would happen to wrangle a half-truth from my lips. Then, it would be one more brick in the wall.

_After Christmas_ , I promised myself. Once the holidays were over, Ben and I would have a very honest conversation that could end either in a stronger relationship, heartbreak, or with bodies on the ground. What a life I lived if having an important conversation with my lover could result in corpses.

 “I have something for you,” he said.

“I noticed the box with the big red bow.”

He picked it up from the floor and passed it to me over the table. It felt light. I stood and laid it on the table. My fingers tingled as I untied the ribbon and pulled up the lid. Brushing aside the tissue revealed a pale gold shawl with a long fringe.

“Oh,” I gasped, lifting it out of the box. “Is this cashmere?”

“Yep.” His jaw tightened, awaiting more of a reaction.

I wrapped it around my shoulders. “It’s beautiful. I love it.” I stepped around the table and kissed him. “Thank you, _cucciolo mio_.”

He grimaced.

“What?” I packed the shawl back into the box. My luck, I would get steak sauce on it.

“I’m not a little puppy.”

“See, I would have to take your word on that because I haven’t seen your wolf.”

“I’m not little.”

I grinned at him. He rolled his eyes.

“Fine,” I said. “No more _cucciolo_ , no matter how well it fits.” I propped my elbow on the table and, cradling my chin in my hand, regarded him. “What should be your pet name?”

“I don’t have one for you, unless you count ‘pet’ and ‘hey you’.”

I chuckled. “Yes, you do. You called me your goddess once.”

Ben went still. “When did I call you that?”

“It happened last week. You were half-asleep, I think. It was while we were making love.”

He nodded, a thoughtful look on his face. “And I talked?”

“You called me your goddess and your girl. In fact, you’ve called me your girl a few times since, so I thought you remembered.”

“Anything else?”

I shrugged. “Just that I was yours.”

The server arrived with our food and I put the box on the floor. After the plates were deposited and we were left alone, I studied Ben. There was a new tension in his shoulders.

“Is everything all right?” I asked. Had I missed something?

“Did you see my eyes?” Ben asked.

“No.” Something clicked in my mind. “Was that your wolf?”

“It could have been.”

“Oh. Well. Your wolf is a really good lover, in that case.”

Ben smiled but it looked a little strained. I ate my filet mignon and thought about that.

I had met Daniel’s wolf only when Dan turned during the full moon. He’d been so adamant about being human that he kept a tight hold on himself. Whenever he felt like control was slipping, he would go on long walks. Just once did I see his eyes change color: when we had a big argument the night before he died.

The familiar pain passed through my heart. I knew all of its wrinkles and folds.  But I stuffed it away before Ben had a chance to pick up on it.

Maybe it didn’t mean anything if Ben or his wolf called me his that night. Wolves can be territorial. It didn’t have to mean a mating bond and I would have sensed that. I risked another glance up at him before cutting into my own rare steak.

It didn’t have to mean anything.

#

Ben called out sick the next day. Judith stayed at his place that night but he shooed her out in the morning.

“Are you sure you feel fine?” she asked for the tenth time. She reached up to touch his forehead.

“I’m not really sick,” he finally admitted, escorting her to the door. “I just need to talk to Adam about something before Saturday’s party.”

“Is this about what we talked about last night? About your wolf making love to me?”

He closed his eyes and cursed his luck for picking up a perceptive woman. “It might.”

“If there’s anything wrong, will you tell me?”

“Only if it won’t get you hurt.”

“Ben…” Her voice carried a dangerous edge he hadn’t heard before. It was dark and hinted at violent consequences. It did not match the professional persona standing before him. His wolf respected it.

“Go to work, Judith. I’ll see you when I pick you up for the party.”

She stuck her tongue out at him and marched out. As soon as her car was down the street, he called Adam.

“Do you have time to meet?” Ben asked him.

“I’m working from home today,” Adam said. “Come over when you can. Is it an emergency?”

“No. I don’t think so. Just wolf stuff.”

“Wolf stuff?” He sounded amused.

“I’m not on the verge of slaughtering anyone.”

“That’s good. I’ll see you when you get here.”

#

A light dusting of snow had fallen overnight. Ben would most likely survive a car wreck but it would be a bitch. So, he took his time as he navigated the icy roads.

The Alpha’s home was partially decorated with garlands when he arrived. Mercy stood on the front lawn, supervising the wolves at work.

“Adam is in his office,” she said as climbed out of his truck. “Do you want me to come?”

“Not really,” Ben replied.

He bound up the steps and into the house. Jesse, free from school for the holidays, sat in the living room, scribbling in a notebook. Today, her hair was colored in streaks of red and green.

“Looking very festive there, short round,” he remarked as he passed.

“I try, little puppy,” she said in a low voice. Of course, she knew he could hear her.

It was really going to be a long time before anyone was going to let him live that down.

Adam looked up from his laptop as Ben came into his office. He tapped a few keys. “Close the door.” He shut the laptop. “What’s wrong?”

“How did you know Mercy was your mate?” Ben blurted. He’d run through subtler conversation starters but, honestly, he didn’t have the patience for them.

Adam blinked. “That serious, huh?”

“I don’t know.”

“Explain.” He sat back in his chair.

Pacing back and forth, Ben related what Judith told him last night. “I’d heard of that. Of the wolf taking over but not in a bad way. My wolf, though, is a ball of fangs and anger issues. If he ever took control, someone is going to die. But if what Judith says is true--“

“Then it was your wolf, doing something he wouldn’t normally do.”

“Exactly. He even spoke. I didn’t know my wolf could form words.” He stopped and spread his hands. “I can’t let Judith get hurt. Am I a danger to her?”

Adam’s lips twisted into a smirk. “We’re always a danger to everyone, Ben, but I know what you mean. If your wolf took over and all that happened was sex and pillow talk, then I think that’s a plus. Tell me again what he said.”

Ben grimaced. He knew what he said wouldn’t leave this room, save to be told to Mercy of course. “Called her ‘my goddess’ and ‘mine’. He claimed her, I think. But—does that mean—are we mates—I don’t know—“ He shoved his hands through his hair and went back to pacing.

Adam watched him for a while. Finally, he asked, “How is Judith?”

“What? She’s fine. A little irritated about tonight. There’s an office party and she doesn’t really want to go.”

“She coming to the party on Saturday?”

“Yeah. She’s not wild about that, either. I think a house full of werewolves freaks her out.”

“How is she feeling right now?”

Ben shook his head, baffled by this barrage of questions. “Worried. About me. About tonight and Saturday. About other things. And Ken is pissing her off—“ He halted. Like something out of a horror movie, he slowly turned to face Adam.

Adam set his laptop aside and clasped his hands on the desktop. “Normally, we fall in love and, eventually, show our love to the wolf. The wolf accepts that person, which creates the mating bond. In some cases, it happens backwards, like with Charles and his Anna. In your case, I wonder if both you and your wolf fell at the same time. Or maybe your wolf made his own decision shortly after you started seeing her.

“But why didn’t she realize it?”

“Why would she?”

“Judith said I’m not her first wolf. She had a mate before but he died. She always wears this locket and I think his picture is in there.”

“Did she give the wolf’s name?”

“No. I’m…trying not to push her to tell me things.”

“The bond between human and werewolf is different from what two wolves—or a wolf and a coyote—might experience. For Judith, it might not have been anything more than a deeper than normal love and loyalty.” He took a deep breath. “Ben, don’t take this the wrong way but I’ve known you long enough to know you are not a sensitive man. Why aren’t you pushing Judith? What are your instincts telling you?”

Ben knew Adam wanted a real answer. Instead of answering flippantly, he paused and listened to his wolf, to his feelings.

“She’s scared,” Ben finally said. “I don’t know of what. But if I push, she’ll run away. And I can’t lose her.”

“You need to tell her about the mating bond.”

“Not yet. I’ll wait until after Christmas.”

“The longer you wait, the more likely she may notice on her own.”

“I’ll take that risk.”

His Alpha shrugged. “Your funeral.”

#

Adam waited until Ben left (taking with him a plate of Christmas cookies baked by Mercy) before he picked up his phone. The Columbia Basin Pack no longer officially belonged to the Marrok but that was a matter of necessity. The ties didn’t exist but the Marrok still cared.

“This is Bran,” came the cool voice on the other end.

“Do you keep track of the human mates of werewolves?”

“Yes. Why?”

“I have a mystery woman on my hands who’s formed a connection with one of my wolves. I’m trying to get information on her.”

“What is her name?”

“Judith Belmonte. She supposedly mated to a werewolf who died.”

“You wouldn’t happen to know the wolf’s name or when he died?”

“I’m afraid not.”

Silence on the other end. Bran did not like talking on the phone and often took long pauses to work out what he wanted to say.

“How old is this woman?” Bran asked.

“I don’t know. But I imagine she cannot be more than forty. Older than twenty.”

“The name does not immediately sound familiar. I will put Charles on the task.”

The call ended. The next one was to the office.

“James,” Adam said, “I need you to run a background check.”

#

We’d decided to go to the party together and damn the consequences. Since it wasn’t against company policy, Lorna could only be snide about it. I could handle snide. And if it did become an issue, I could quit. I didn’t need the money, after all.

Ben looked thoughtful when I came out of my house that evening.

“Are you all right?” I asked. I had been worried about him all day. It didn’t help that Ken Lincoln decided to hit on me and wouldn’t leave me alone. He kept hinting about catching me under the mistletoe. If Ken tried, I was going to take a bite out of him and he wouldn’t enjoy it.

“I’ll be all right,” he replied. “Just werewolf party stuff.”

He was hiding something. But, so was I, so I didn’t feel comfortable pressing the issue. He kissed me and there was nothing different there. Heat and desire, packed into a single gesture.

“You look beautiful,” he said. “My goddess.”

I grinned and hitched the gold cashmere shawl higher up onto my shoulders. It was just an office party but I wore a cranberry red dress with black boots. Ben wore a red long-sleeved shirt, black slacks, and a heavy winter coat he didn’t need. We matched without even trying.

As we came down the walk toward Ben’s truck, my neighbor Ms. Haskell opened her front door.

“Oh, Judith!” she cried. “I have a package here for you. I—Daisy, no!”

Daisy the Doberman shoved past her owner and sped across the dead grass like a black bullet. So intent on her target, she didn’t bother to growl or bark. Ben shoved me back and stepped forward, putting himself between the dog and me.

A growl tore from Ben’s throat. I felt his power slam into the animal. Daisy stumbled and fell, making a face plant in my driveway. Yelping, she scrambled to her feet and retreated.

“Daisy, bad dog!” Ms. Haskell chastised. Once her dog was inside, she stepped out and pulled the door closed. “I am so sorry. She’s normally very friendly.”

“It’s all right,” I said, trying not to shake. A tangle of emotions rioted in my chest and I was having trouble sorting them out.

“I have a package for you.”

“I’ll get it later. Good night.” I grabbed Ben’s arm and pulled him toward the truck. Ben resisted for a moment before following. He handed me up, slamming the door shut behind me.

He didn’t immediately walk around to the driver’s side. Instead, he paused to draw in a few deep breaths. I did the same. I guess we both needed a moment to compose ourselves.

When he got in, I had a better handle on myself. I was scared because I didn’t want Ben to be hurt, though a Doberman was no match for a werewolf. I felt angry that I came close to having to do something decidedly inhuman because I sure as hell wasn’t going to let a dog bite me. And just all round rattled. There was more going on, though, just under the surface. However, I felt calmer and rather done with self-analyzing.

“I think that dog has had it out for me from day one,” I said, forcing a laugh.

Ben grunted and put the truck in gear. I laid my hand on his thigh.

“I’m fine,” I said.

He slammed the truck into park. When he turned to me, I finally saw his eyes were a brilliant gold. Ben unbuckled my seat belt and pulled me onto his lap. His kiss was crushing, passionate, and claiming.

When he finally let me up for air, I gasped, “Ben, it was just a dog.”

“I can’t lose you.” He sounded hoarse. “I can’t, Judith. I know there are things you don’t want to tell me. But you can—because I am never letting you go.”

He held me tight against his chest. He thought I was human, so he really believed a pissed off Doberman was a threat to me. He didn’t know I didn’t need his protection. He didn’t know that I was most likely far older than him, seen more than him, and done more. He thought I was a fragile creature to be shielded from the vagaries and dangers of the world.

Never in my life had I ever felt more cherished.

It occurred to me that it was the best moment to tell him the truth. However, I was so busy relishing the new experience that I let the moment pass.

Eventually, he let me get back into the passenger seat. During the entire drive to the party, he held my hand.

If I told him the truth, it would shatter the dream. He would know what I am and he would pull away, no matter what he said. I tightened my grip on him. I needed to feel this a little longer, no matter how selfish that was.


	9. Another Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter but it doesn't really fit into the next one! But, I wanted to show some more of Judith's inner struggle.

The next morning, I woke up first. A dull headache throbbed behind my eyes, along with a too-familiar itch in the back of my throat.

I had been spending so much time with Ben, holding my power in and disguising my scent, the strain caught up with me. I curled around myself and tried not to hear his heart thudding behind me. Ben shifted in his sleep, grumbling about dogs on fire.

We’d slept over at my house. For a brief moment, I thanked the universe for small mercies. I slipped out of bed and dressed. My fingers trembled so badly, it took me too long to hook my bra. No way was I going to waste time on a corset. Halfway out of the room, Ben woke up.

“Where are you going?” he asked. “Come back to bed.”

He smelled so good. The power that shadowed his every move pulsed along with his heart. I wanted to take a deep breath to steady myself but knew that would be a terrible idea.

“I need to run an errand,” I told him.

“Right now?” He sat up to look at the clock. “Judith, it’s seven in the morning.”

I sighed. _I can’t keep lying like this._ “I’m going out to buy your Christmas present, all right? And I need a dress for the pack Christmas party tomorrow. I haven’t had a chance before now.” I forced a smile. “Go back to sleep.”

Ben rolled his eyes and flopped back onto the pillows. “Hurry home.”

“You know I can’t stay away for long.”

In the car, I fumbled for my cell phone. A cranky voice answered on the third call. “What? Who is this?”

“Matt, it’s Judith. I need to feed now.”

“But I was supposed to come over tonight.”

 _Fuck, I forgot about that._ “It can’t wait. Do you have to be at work today?”

“No. Still looking for work.”

“Be ready for me. I’ll be there in twenty.”

He grunted. I disconnected the call, drove for five minutes, and then called back.

“What?” Matt whined.

“Are you out of bed?”

I heard the rustling of covers being thrown back. “Yeah, yeah,” he said.

“Eat something.” I disconnected and flirted with speeding.

Matt lived in West Pasco, which was across the river from me. On an early, frosty Friday morning with a new layer of snow on the ground, it should have made for a lovely drive. Instead, I focused on not getting anyone killed because of reckless driving.

I found Matt’s apartment and took the stairs two at a time. He lived on the top floor. People were awake and going about their business. I smelled breakfast in various stages of preparation as I came down the hall and my stomach growled.

It really sucked to be hungry for both blood and normal human food at the same time. It’s like my body didn’t know which way to turn first.

I banged on Matt’s door. He opened it, dressed only in a pair of ratty blue jeans. I pushed past him.

“Hey, what’s your problem?” he asked. “I get you’re some kind of weird vampire but people got lives, you know?”

It had been important to explain I was no ordinary vampire simply for this situation. Vampires are supposed to be dead during the day. I could need blood at any time. This had been explained to Matt. I was not in the mood to deal with a cranky sheep.

Ben, with his morning scruff and sleep-thick voice, haunted the back of my mind and turned my stomach. He thought I was off shopping, not at another man’s apartment.

I turned on Matt and leaned on him with my influence. “Shut up. Sit on the couch.”

He obeyed. I straddled him and, without warning, struck for the neck. Drinking from the big artery there was dangerous. It made it easier to lose control. But hunger and self-loathing clouded my judgment.

Matt wrapped his hands around my waist, pressing his hands against my back, and made little sounds as I drank. His lust rode the air and he shifted under me, trying to grind his hips into me. I pressed down, mentally willing him to sit still. A jerk at the wrong moment and I could open up the artery from which I delicately sipped.

What I was doing was hurting him. There was no immobilizing, euphoric Kiss. There was only pain and he was getting off on it.

My hunger settled and I drew back. Matt’s head flopped onto the back of the couch. As I fed him my blood, I looked around the room. It was plainly furnished with secondhand furniture and a television. Despite what I told Stefan about not wanting to support someone else, the truth was that I took care of my sheep just like any vampire would.

I pulled away from Matt. “How is your job search going?”

It took him a moment for him to focus on me. “I, uh, have some interviews coming up. Good prospects.”

“Are you hurting for money?”

He shrugged and wiped his lips, licking the blood from his fingers. I found my purse where I had dropped it on entering. While Matt recovered, I wrote him a check.

“Here,” I said, holding it out. “This should help see you through New Year’s.” When he reached for it, I pulled back. When he raised his eyes to mine, I locked with them. Drawing on my power, I threw it over him, reaching deeply into his mind. “Remember, you will not tell anyone about me.”

A goofy grin crossed his face and I felt his mind yield to me. “Of course not.” He took the check. “Hey, do you want some breakfast?”

I raised a brow. Matt had the grace to blush.

“Happy Christmas,” I told him.

“You too.”

I needed human food, to be honest, but I didn’t want to stay in that apartment longer than I needed. After stopping at an IHOP for pancakes, sausage, and eggs, I went to the mall.

I tried to soothe myself. I really did need to find a gift for Ben and a dress for the party. However, neither necessitated an 8 a.m. shopping trip. The truth was I needed to give Matt’s scent time to leave me, mask it with the scents of the other shoppers. I couldn’t return to Ben while smelling of another man.


	10. A Werewolf Christmas Party

On Saturday night, Ben didn’t expect to be so nervous. Thinking about it, though, it made sense.

In all the time he’d been a member of the Columbia Basin Pack, he’d never shown interest in another woman except to say something cutting or unsettling. Now, he was about to bring his very human, brand-new girlfriend to the pack Christmas party.

He’d gone completely off his rocker.

When Judith answered the door, his breath caught in his throat and his nerves took a back seat. She wore a calf-length pale green dress with sparkles on the bodice and off the shoulder sleeves. The skirt poofed out like she wore crinoline underneath. The soft scent of musky perfume, just enough for his nose, mingled with the scent of her.

_Mine._

“On second thought,” he said thickly, “why don’t we stay in?”

“Oh, no. I went on an emergency shopping trip for this, remember? I was damn lucky to find a dress. We’re going to the party, Ben Shaw.” She turned her back on him as she closed and locked the door.

Ben traced the line of her spine with his fingertip. She shivered. Grinning at him impishly, she backed away and slipped her gold shawl over her shoulders.

“We can be a few minutes late,” Ben said, putting a little sex into his voice.

Judith narrowed her eyes. “No.”

“I’ll remember this later.”

She wrinkled her nose at him. “Good.”

#

Cars crowded the front of the house, spilling out onto the shoulders of the road. Green garlands tied with red bows and laced with fairy lights decorated the house’s exterior. A large wreath hung on the front door. It looked like Martha Stewart threw up. As he held the truck door open for Judith, he could hear Christmas music playing inside.

Ben kept the bond closed, so as to not let his feelings or thoughts spill onto her. He wasn’t sure how the bond would work between them and he didn’t want to find out until she knew they were mated. However, as nervous as he was about Judith officially meeting the pack, he gave into temptation and gingerly touched their bond, taking care not to disturb it too much and draw attention. Judith felt nervous but also happy. He could take nervous and happy.

“What a beautiful home,” she said.

“It gets destroyed periodically. Well, at least part of it.”

“Why?” She slid her arm into his as if she’d done it a thousand times. His wolf was pleased.

“Bad people doing bad things,” he explained. “Adam’s contractors love him. They send him a bottle of good bourbon every year.”

She hesitated at the top of the steps.

“What’s wrong?” Ben asked.

“What if they don’t like me?” she asked.

“They will love you. Besides, I didn’t think you would care what others thought?”

Judith frowned. “What makes you think I don’t care what others think?”

Ben shrugged, feeling like there was a part of this conversation he was missing. “You just never seemed to care. Judy, come on. They know we’re out here.”

She sighed and took his hand. “Judy?”

“Do you like it? I’m taking it for a test drive.”

“You can call me that only if you can be my little puppy again.”

“Like hell.”

She laughed. Ben opened the door, letting music, warmth, and the chatter of a house full of werewolves wash over them. Judith flashed him another smile and crossed the threshold. He was closing the door behind them when Mercy walked out of the large living room.

“Ben,” she said, “I was starting to think you weren’t going to show.”

“I had to pick up someone,” he explained. “Mercy, you remember Judith.”

Mercy stuck her hand out. “I’m so glad you were able to make it.”

Judith, appearing shy for the first time since he met her, looked down as she shook Mercy’s hand. “Same here, Mrs. Hauptman.”

“You can call me Mercy. Is your car still making that weird noise?”

She raised her eyes. “Sorry?”

“Stefan said you thought your car was making a weird noise? That was why you brought it in?”

“Oh. Yeah. It stopped.”

“I don’t know why you didn’t say anything.”

She shrugged. “I figured it just needed a tune-up. I didn’t even know you and Stefan were friends until after I took my Jetta to you. Small world, eh? Where can I put my shawl? I don’t want it to get dirty.”

“Oh, I can take that,” Mercy offered.

“You don’t have to.”

“It’s fine.”

Judith relinquished the garment. Ben claimed her arm and steered her toward the living room. Adam had about fifty people in the pack and it felt like most of them, with their loved ones, came. He heard people in just about every room on that level and downstairs.

Naturally, the other wolves became intensely interested in Judith. Ben must have introduced her a dozen times. With each introduction, a headache built up behind his left eye. He wasn’t used to so much attention from his mates and he liked it even less toward Judith. Soon, five feet of empty air separated them from the rest of the party.

She laid a hand on his arm. In a low tone, she whispered, “Why don’t you get us something to drink?”

He glanced around the room. Several of the men snuck glances at Judith. Eyeing her dress. Admiring the curve of her calves. He really didn’t want to leave her alone. He knew it was because of the unsettled nature of the bond. Knowing that didn’t help matters. In some ways, it made it fucking worse.

“We can go together,” he said, cupping her elbow with his hand.

“I’d like to have an actual conversation with someone,” she replied. “It’s kind of hard with you hovering.”

“Hovering?”

“Yes. Whenever you introduce me, and if it’s a man, you glare until he walks away.”

“I’m not—“

“Ben. Please?” She lowered her voice. “You know I’m nervous and hovering isn’t helping.”

Growling with frustration, he walked off, heading to the kitchen where the refreshments were. Warren stood by the punch bowl, chatting with his lawyer boyfriend, Kyle.

“Hey, Ben.” The former cowboy grinned. He wore a bright green cowboy style shirt with a bolo tie, black jeans, and boots with red and green stitching. His boyfriend wore a red shirt and the gaudiest cowboy boots known to man. There were sequins. “I heard you brought your Italian lady."

“Yep.” Ben poured out two cups of punch.

“I didn’t ask before. Where’d you meet?”

“Work.”

“She a computer guru like you?”

“Nope. Secretary.”

Warren eyed him. “You don’t need to be defensive, Ben. I was just askin’ a few questions. Kyle and I’d like to meet her. A woman who breaks through your shell must be a hell of a catch.”

Ben relaxed a little. Out of all the males in the pack, Warren was the least threatening. It probably had to do with him being gay. “I’ll introduce you.” They started down the hall. “Hey, have you seen Adam?”

“He’s around. I think he’s with Jesse playing pool in the rec room.”

“Have you seen her hair?”

“She’s the embodiment of the holiday spirit.”

“Where’d you learn a word like embodiment?”

They reentered the parlor. Ben halted. Three of his fellow male pack mates surrounded Judith. She stood with her back towards the wall and held the men in her line of sight. Smart girl.

One of the men made a stupid joke about computer geeks taking all the beautiful women and Judith laughed. Jealousy, pure and unadulterated, spiked through Ben. He bulled his way forward, forcing the other men to step back. He narrowed his eyes at the man who made the joke.

“Ben,” Judith said, prying a cup of punch from his hand. “I was just talking to your friends. They were saying—“

“We should go.” Grabbing her hand, he pulled her out of the room, pass a shocked Kyle and an amused Warren. There were too many people in the hall. He proceeded to drag her upstairs.

“Ben, stop,” Judith said. She put her heels down, giving him more resistance that he would have expected out of a human woman.

He glared at her and she stopped pulling against him. Ben continued. As they reached the landing, he looked back and saw Adam standing at the bottom, watching them. Warren was talking very low in his ear, telling him about Ben being “overprotective”. Ben snorted and opened the first door he came to, which happened to be a walk-in linen closet.

Pushing her inside, he closed the door, leaving them in darkness. He fumbled until he found the light switch.

“Benjamin Shaw,” Judith spat, “what the hell is wrong with you?”

“What were you doing down there?”

“Making conversation.”

He set his cup of punch on a shelf and spread his hands. They were trembling. _It’s just the bond, man. Get a hold of yourself._

She set her own drink aside and took his hands in hers. “It was only conversation. Nothing was going to happen. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

Ben knew that. He _knew_ that. But he didn’t trust anyone else to know that. He needed her. Right then and there. He needed to make sure everyone knew that she was his and not up for claim. She already carried his scent, which should have been enough, but the rational part of his brain was quickly taking a backseat.

He lifted and pressed her against the shelves, kissing along her neck.

“Ben,” she whispered. “Stop. They’ll know.”

“That’s the point,” he muttered. “Need you.” He tugged one-handed on his belt.

“But—“

He scraped his teeth across her shoulder. That was all the encouragement she needed.

#

Ben was torn between sheepishness and pride when he escorted Judith back downstairs. Adam still waited for them on the ground floor. He gave Ben a knowing look. Judith blushed. It was the first time Ben had seen her do that.

“You must be Judith,” Adam said.

“That’s me.” She extended a hand.

He gave it the briefest of shakes. “You two enjoy the party. Ben? Behave. No one is after your girl.” Adam walked away.

Judith giggled. It was nervous, satisfied, and delighted all at once.  “I’m hungry,” she said. “Show me to the food, cave man.”

“Cave man?”

“Staking your claim on me like that? Definite cave man behavior.”

“It’s not my fault you’re so damn sexy.”

“It’s not my fault you don’t trust me.” She raised her brows at him.

Ben wrapped an arm around her waist. “I trust you. The wolf…makes thinking a little hard sometimes.”

“I know. But do you promise to try?”

He kissed the top of her head. “Sure.”

#

Ben hadn’t been jealous like this at the office party. I supposed being around werewolves made a difference. Daniel had felt the need to imprint his claim on me when we were around other wolves, especially strange ones, but he restrained it to gestures or touches.

At the time, I thought it something unique to a mated pair. I didn’t feel a bond with Ben, though sometimes there was an odd tingle. An odd tingle that might have had more to do with my own magic, my own hunger for Ben. Perhaps all wolves were jealous of their lovers.

I knew it was important to Ben that I have a good time. But being among so many werewolves intimidated me. I acted shy and submissive, as if I could scoot under the radar. I did make a mental note to ask Ben if Mercy was something special. She smelled like a canine but I couldn’t place what.

There also lurked, on the edge of the party, a quiet boy who smelled of fae. I avoided him. I didn’t have much experience with the fae. I wasn’t going to start now. The fae complicated things and my life was tangled enough as it was.

The house slowly emptied as the evening passed. Eventually, I found myself on the couch, leaning into Ben’s side, listening with rapt attention to the Alpha’s daughter as she told me about Mercy going up against a volcano god in her garage.

“I think we still have the video somewhere,” Jesse said.

“I’d love to see that.” I looked across the room, where Mercy was slow dancing with Adam. Whatever the hell she was, I didn’t want to piss her off.

Ben rubbed my arm. “Are you ready to go?”

“Sure.”

We went to say our goodnights to the Hauptmans. Adam held out a business card with a phone number.

“Ben tells me you’ve been with a werewolf before,” he said, “but in case you have any questions or concerns, you can call me.”

Daniel’s Alpha, Timothy, hadn’t been nearly so accommodating. Though, he knew what I was, so perhaps that was the reason. The only time he spoke kindly to me was when any uppity vampires needed killing.

“Thank you,” I replied, “but Ben already gave me your number. It’s programmed into my phone.”

His brows rose in surprise. “That’s good to hear.”

“It was great seeing you again,” Mercy said. “Unless you have other plans, you’re welcome to come for Christmas dinner.”

“I’ll think about it,” I responded, though it made me a little sick to my stomach. “ _Buon Natale_.”

Once inside the car, I settled into the seat with a happy sigh. The night went better than I expected. It was a good thing I had fed. I settled against the door. After a mile or two, I lapsed into a slight doze.

“Not as terrible as you thought?” Ben asked, bringing me to wakefulness.

“I don’t know. There was this really jealous guy who shagged me in a linen closet.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“It wasn’t even very good.”

“Hey!”

I was still laughing when it happened.

A car coming toward us swerved. Perhaps he hit a patch of ice. Perhaps he thought he saw something that needed avoiding and lost control. Perhaps he was just too drunk. Whatever the reason, it was too close for Ben to react in time. Despite that, it felt as if we had all the time in the world to get out of the way.

It was a truck, bigger than Ben’s, and it slammed into us head-on. Glass and crunching, squealing metal filled my world. Agony sliced through me, from the legs up and the head down. Ben screamed my name. Then, darkness.


	11. Everything Gone Merrily to Hell

Adam’s cell phone buzzed shortly after Ben and Judith left. Mercy and Jesse, with a couple of other wolves, were beginning to tidy up. He walked into the kitchen to take the call.

“Yes, Charles?”

“Adam, I sent you some information. You need to look at it right away. When you have, call me.” The call disconnected.

Checking the impulse to run, he strode up to his office. As he passed the living room, Mercy looked up with curiosity. She would follow shortly, he knew.

At his desk, he woke up his laptop and accessed his email. Two new messages awaited him, one from Charles and one from one of his men, James. He opened Charles’ email first. It contained two black and white photographs and the scan of a newspaper clipping. Mercy came in to look over his shoulder.

“Is that Judith?” she asked, pointing at a wedding photo.

“That or she’s the spitting image of her great-grandmother.” He dialed Charles’ number.

“You have it before you?” Charles asked.

“I do. And I don’t understand what I’m seeing. I met the woman, Charles. She’s human.”

“When you told Da about Judith, I thought it would be a simple search. However, when I couldn’t find a recently deceased wolf with a mate named Judith, I thought someone had lied to you. Da, though, suggested I look further. Not all of our records are digital.” He sounded mildly annoyed. “I found these photos in an old box in Da’s attic. May I never have to go up there again.”

“Are you sure about these dates?”

There was a pause. “Yes. The wedding photo is of Daniel and Judith Bowman, taken March 12, 1919 in West Virginia. The second photo is a group of miners. I circled Daniel. The date on the photo is October 3, 1919.

“The next day, according to the newspaper clipping I scanned for you, the mine collapsed and killed 20 miners. Daniel was one of them. He was a submissive in a small pack in the area. The Alpha of that pack, Timothy, died a few years ago but I contacted the current Alpha. He said he would ask around but there’s no one alive from that era. I have not heard back from him.”

“Thank you, Charles.”

Charles grunted and disconnected the call. Adam stared at the wedding photo in disturbed fascination. The wolf, Daniel, wore a suit with a dark jacket and white shirt and tie. He was tall, broad, and with blocky, angular features. Judith, gazing into the camera with quiet solemnity, clutched a bouquet of roses, their colors lost to history. Her dress was simple. The only extravagance was the lace veil that spilled from a cap on her head.

“I didn’t smell any magic on her,” Mercy said. “I don’t think she was a witch. She wasn’t a wolf or a fae.”

“She’s friends with Stefan.”

“She’s not a vampire, either, Adam. But... Stefan had a sheep who looked younger than she really was and I’ve heard of sheep living for a long time. Wouldn’t Ben have noticed bite marks on her, though?”

He grunted.

“I’ll call Stefan.”

Adam closed the email and opened the one from James. It contained copies of Judith’s official information. James summed it up in a tidy note, ending with, “This is way too tidy, boss. I’m suspecting a very skillful forgery. I’ll keep looking.”

Mercy was on the phone, waiting for Stefan to pick up. Adam turned in his chair to ask a question when pain and terror exploded through the pack bonds.

In his mind, he heard an agonized, “Judith!” Then the bond went quiet.

#

I couldn’t have been out for longer than a minute. The first thing I noticed was the sweet-iron smell of blood. Some of it was mine. Most of it wasn’t. It felt like the airbag broke my nose but it had healed. I licked my lips and tasted my own blood. Groaning, I looked over, my eyes slowly focusing.

“Ben? Ben!”

The worst of the impact had been on his side. The steering wheel and part of the engine crushed his chest, torso, and legs. Blood covered his face, oozing from slashes from the windshield glass.

That was bad. If his body hadn’t healed those yet, that meant there were worse injuries. His beautiful pale blond hair was crimson and black. His eyes were closed but I could hear the faint flutter of his heart.

I unbuckled my seatbelt and shoved at the dash until I had more room to move. Then, I twisted to get to him. Pain radiated from my midsection. Crying out, I looked down.

A metal rod protruded from my gut. Tears of agony rolled down my face as I leaned forward and felt behind me. The rod kept going into the seat but the end stuck out of me. Gripping it with both hands, I pushed until the tip disappeared inside of me. I choked on sobs as I reached back and pulled while scooting forward. My hip and right leg were still in the process of healing and every movement sent slivers of pain through me.

I was **hungry**. The need burned in my throat. My body craved a feeding to compensate for the healing and blood loss.

I opened the car door and slid out, limping on my bad side. The waxing, crescent moon cast very little light but even if it was pitch black, I would have been able to see. We were on a barren stretch of Chemical Drive. In the far distance, the lights of homes and farms glittered.

The driver of the other vehicle was a black bulk in his seat. Licking my lips, I stumbled around the back of our vehicle to get to Ben’s side.

The truck door was stuck. With a grunt, I ripped it off with a squeal of tearing metal. Next, I pulled away the airbag and examined Ben.

From the gurgling in his breath, he probably had a collapsed lung on top of crushed bones and, no doubt, internal bleeding. For a brief second, I remembered Daniel and feeling him, through the bond, the mountain crushing him to death. Helplessness rose like ice in my heart. My throat closed. I forced a breath into my lungs. I wasn’t helpless this time.

Bracing my shoulder against the ruined dash, I pushed. With the screech of protesting metal, the car moved out of Ben’s lap and chest. Pain lanced through me and, on top of that, the hunger.

_Holy shit, the hunger._

My throat burned, dry as sand, and my veins ached.

I tore off his seatbelt and dragged him out, laying him onto the road. Both of his legs laid at unnatural angles on the ground. Fumbling in my dress’ pocket, I drew out my cell phone, which somehow escaped damage. I called up Adam’s phone number.

On the third ring, it was Mercy, not Adam, who picked up. “Who is this?”

“Judith,” I croaked.

“We’re on our way.”

“Hurry. There was a car accident. He’s hurt very badly.”

“We know.” The call ended. 

Even with pack magic, Ben probably wouldn’t be able to heal all of this. There was just _so much_. The fact that he was still alive was due solely to his being a werewolf. How could he possibly heal it all?

His blood looked so good.

I clenched my eyes closed. “Focus, Judith.”

There wasn’t anything else I could think to do. I couldn’t bind him to me, but a blood exchange would not only heal his wounds but the blood bond, no matter how weak, would give him more time to heal because some of my strength would go to him. I bent down and took a few sips from an open wound. It tasted rich and sinful. It took every ounce of self-control to pull away.

I bit my wrist, drawing blood, and pressed it against his mouth.

“Ben, I need you to drink,” I said. I called up my magic and threw it against him. “Benjamin, drink!”

His lips parted and my blood flowed in. Ben’s jaw and throat worked as he drank.

Dizziness rolled over me and the hunger became a dry wind beating against my body. I counted my heartbeats, which grew more frantic by the second. How much would be enough for him? How much would be too much before I died or lost complete control?

When I couldn’t wait any longer, I wrenched my hand away. I could feel the blood bond between us, faint and shimmering.

Already, the wounds on his face were clotting. His legs were already looking a little straighter. He stirred.

That was when the driver stumbled out of his vehicle. “You all right?” The man, in his late forties, staggered closer. I could smell the alcohol on his breath. Blood ran from a cut on his head and he limped on his left foot. “Oh, my God. Is he dead?”

Moving faster than sight, I tackled him, latching onto his neck with drawn fangs and riding him to the ground. He screamed in pain and fear. I ignored it, ignored my oath to not kill save in self-defense.

He had hurt Ben. Could have killed him. This fucker was going to die.

His blood rolled down my throat, sweet and salty. Rich as chocolate. He drank too much beer on a regular basis and had too fatty of a diet. He also had some sort of disease, which my own body purified from the blood filling me.

The screams gradually softened to whimpers, which passed into silence. His heart, as panicked as a mouse in a trap, slowed. Artery, tendons, and sinew parted beneath my teeth as I tried to get as much blood as possible. The beating stopped.  

“Judith?”

Horror rose in me. I dropped the man, the side of his neck torn open to the glistening bone. Ben, propped up on his elbows, stared at me as if he’d never seen me before. My fangs, long and thin like curved needles, were out for all the world to see, the tips pressed against my bottom lip.

I touched my chin and cheeks. The man’s blood covered my face and ran in a sticky trail down my front. It even stained my beautiful golden shawl. I shrugged it off.

A vehicle from the direction of the Hauptman house drove around the curve, the bright white LED headlights illuminating the scene. The SUV stopped. Adam, Mercy, and one other got out.

I looked back at Ben. The first beginnings of rage stirred in his eyes. My heart broke. In a flash, I took off into the field lining the road and ran away.

#

“Judith!” Ben struggled to get up, to follow her. His legs, though, didn’t want to work properly. The wolf arose in a roar and he started to change.

“No,” Adam barked, his power flooding the road. Ben’s changed stopped but he glared at his Alpha. “You’re staying here.”

Samuel Cornick knelt beside Ben. It took a full second before he remembered seeing the doctor at the party, though they hadn’t had a chance to speak. Samuel’s globetrotting honeymoon was finally over, apparently.

“How do you feel?” Cornick asked, feeling along Ben’s leg.

“Like I drank six cups of coffee. I need to find her.”

“She’s the Abomination,” Mercy said. “That’s the only thing that makes sense. Did you see her fangs?”

Adam looked at his mate. “Try calling Stefan again.”

“I’ll keep calling until he picks up.” She dug out her mobile.

“Will everyone be quiet,” Samuel said. He glanced back at Adam. “Please.” Peeling back Ben’s eyelids, he peered into his right eye. “You were driving?”

Adam pulled out his phone and sauntered away, probably to call someone to clean up the mess.

“Yeah,” Ben replied. He turned toward the truck—and froze. The cab was a twisted, warped mess. The hinges on his door were torn and the door itself sat a few feet away. Judith must have gotten him out. He finally noticed how he ached, bone-deep, all over. How badly was he hurt?

Samuel felt around Ben’s ribs. “Do you remember anything about the crash?”

Ben remembered pure terror. He remembered, in the flash before impact, thinking that Judith wouldn’t survive a bad wreck. He remembered screaming for her. “Not really.”

The doctor leaned forward and sniffed Ben’s mouth. “She gave you some of her blood. You’re healing faster than you should. In a half-hour to an hour, you’ll be up and walking like this wreck never happened.”

The poor sod who drove the other car was stretched out on the road, his glassy eyes staring into nothing. It looked like a rabid animal tore into his neck.

 _My girl did that_ , he thought. Anger, pain, and a desperate need to find her consumed him. He tried to stand again. Samuel’s hand restrained him.

“Easy there,” Cornick said.

“She’s my mate. I need to get to her.”

Samuel raised a brow. “Your mate? I’m so glad I came back when I did. I missed crazy.”

Adam walked back up. “We need to get out of here. Elizaveta and a couple of tow trucks are on their way. But someone could come driving through at any moment.”

“He’s still not answering,” Mercy groaned.

“When we get home, you can try calling him using the bond. That’ll get his attention.”

Cornick slipped his arms under Ben. Pain went through him like lightning and Ben growled, “Fuck!”

“Swear away,” Samuel said. “It helps. What’s this Abomination thing?”

“We’ll explain in the car,” Adam said. His eyes were yellow and he moved with a liquid grace that meant his wolf was close.

Ben strained to look over Samuel’s shoulder, out into the fields, but he didn’t see anything except darkness and distant lights.

#

I didn’t stop running until I stumbled upon a farmhouse. No lights were on but exterior lights flooded the yard. I slunk into the dark shadow of an old shed. Collapsing to the ground, I gave into my tears.

Through the thin blood bond between us, I felt Ben’s rage. The pain of my betrayal. I curled into a ball and sobbed. I was a monster and now my love knew. And he hated me.

#

As soon as they were inside, Samuel started toward the stairs so he could take Ben to a bathroom.

“Wait,” Adam said.  “Can you pick up on her through the mating bond?”

Ben closed his eyes. “She’s crying. Upset. I can’t tell where she is, though.” He opened his eyes. “I have to find her.”

“Is it possible,” Samuel said, “that this Abomination created a bond with him that looks like a mating bond? She could be calling him.”

“What is so fucking weird about me wanting to get to my mate?” snarled Ben.

“No offense, Ben, but you go from the friendly neighborhood misogynist to being desperately in love in, what? A week?” He looked at Adam.

Adam replied, “About two weeks, I think. Go get him cleaned up.”

Cornick nodded and carried Ben away. Jesse, face pale, came in from the kitchen.

“Is Ben going to be all right?” she asked.

Adam held out an arm and she pressed against his side. He held her. “Yeah. Why don’t you go to your room? We’ll let you know if there are any changes.” He kissed her forehead.

“Okay.”

After she went upstairs, Mercy’s phone rang. “It’s Stefan,” she said and answered it. “We have a problem.” She told him what happened.”

Silence on the other end as Stefan took that in.

“Could she be controlling Ben?” Adam asked. “Calling him, maybe.”

“Judith has some vampire traits but she doesn’t abide by all of the rules,” Stefan explained, his voice sounding distant and tinny through the connection. “She cannot call someone, for example, or forge a conventional blood bond. She cannot turn anyone.” He paused. “She’s not a threat.”

“She promised,” Adam said, “not to kill save in self-defense.”

“She may not have been in complete control of herself if the wreck was as bad as Mercy describes. Also, she probably saw the driver as a threat. How is Ben?”

“Healing.”

“Where would she go?” Mercy asked.

“I don’t know,” Stefan replied. “We did not end things on good terms, so I don’t expect her to call me. She has a few sheep in the area but I don’t know where they live.” A smile crept into his voice. “She never cared for keeping a typical menagerie.”

“Could she go to her home?”

“Maybe. But if she smells a werewolf anywhere near it, she will avoid it.”

“What I don’t understand,” Adam said, “is why she didn’t come out with the truth straight away.”

Stefan sighed. “Judith has had a hard, complicated life. She is in hiding and we felt by hiding the truth, it would give her a measure of security. The fewer people who know what she is, the less likely she would be found. I also did not think werewolves would take kindly to a half-human, half-vampire hybrid.”

“Found by whom?”

“Her father. She ran away from him in the late 19th century. I expect he’s been looking for her ever since.”

“How old is she?” asked Mercy.

“Older than me but I don’t think by much.”

“How old are you?”

A pause. “The Renaissance was in full swing when I was a little boy.”

“Holy crap.” She looked up at Adam. “So that picture was of her.”

“Picture?” Stefan asked.

“We found an old wedding photo. Dated 1919.”

“Ah. Daniel. I wonder how he talked her into taking a picture.”

“Stefan,” Adam said, “if she calls you, I want you to tell us.”

“Only if I have your assurance that you will not harm her.”

He clenched his jaw, trying to keep his anger in check. His wolf wanted to go hunting. “I cannot make that promise.”

“Well, then.” He disconnected the call.

Mercy glared at him. “Now what are we going to do?”

“A phone trace would take too long and there’s no guarantee that she still has her cell phone.” He looked up at the second floor. “We’re going to have to let Ben go.”


	12. Hiding Places

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the lovely comments and kudos! I love hearing from my readers, so don't be afraid to leave a comment or send me a message.

I don’t know how long I laid there crying but the tears eventually ran out. The ground felt cold and hard beneath me. My cell phone buzzed in my pocket. For a brief moment, I thought about breaking it. Instead, I pulled it out and read Stefan’s name on the caller ID.

Sighing, I answered. “Hello.”

“Where are you?”

I didn’t answer, only stared at the back of the shed.

Stefan sighed. “I just spoke to Mercy and Adam. Ben’s going to be fine.”

“I know. But everything is ruined now.”

“Then we should get you to safety as quickly as possible. Tell me where you are.”

I pushed myself off the ground and staggered out from behind the shed. Two roads met a hundred yards away. When I came close enough to read the signs, I told Stefan.

“That’s quite a ways from Adam’s house,” Stefan said.

“I ran as hard as I could.”

“I’ll be there soon.”

“I was hiding behind a shed. I think I’ll go back there.” My voice sounded hollow. I felt hollow.

“All right. And, Judith? Everything is going to be fine.”

“I’m tired of lies, Stefano.” I ended the call.

#

It took Ben twenty minutes to shift from human to wolf. More minutes were lost returning to the crash site. The two vehicles and the corpse were gone. When Ben hopped out of Adam’s SUV, he couldn’t smell Judith or anything other than asphalt and snow. The snow wasn’t thick enough, either, to leave behind decent footprints and Ben was too much of a city boy to track by sight.

He paced up and down the road, nose to the ground, working out onto the shoulders. The bond between him and Judith had gone quiet. He didn’t think she was aware of it but there was nothing coming through. Ben wasn’t sure what that meant but he couldn’t very well ask with a wolf’s mouth.

A scent stopped him. There were notes of the Judith he thought he knew. Roses and musk. Her Tide laundry detergent and Herbal Essence shampoo. Underneath that, though, was that darker something that he had only gotten hints of before. The moment he drew it in, he wondered how he ever missed it. The smell was pervasive. It was like black licorice and spice. It went off across the field.

He took off, Adam following close behind in human form. They ran for miles, ducking through more fields and people’s back gardens. One dog lunged at them, stopping short at the end of its chain.

Eventually, the scent brought him to the back of a shed. It laid in a wider pool and Ben could make out the faint imprint of Judith’s body. He smelled tears and sorrow.

The trail took him out to a nearby road. It ended. Frantic, Ben paced the road but he couldn’t pick the scent back up. He sat where the trail went cold and howled for his mate.

#

Stefan took me to his home. He carried me from the van up to his bedroom and its en-suite bathroom. He turned on the shower and stripped me naked. 

Once, Stefan getting me naked meant pleasure was soon to follow. But I was no more than a doll, letting him do as he pleased. Because nothing mattered anymore. I watched with no emotion as he took off his shoes, shirt, and pants, leaving on only his boxers.

He gathered me back into his arms and carried me under the hot, stinging shower. He adjusted the cold water to keep it from scalding. Gently, he removed the pins from my hair. He ran his fingers through it, working out the tangles, and washed it. The water ran pink from the blood. Taking up a sponge, he soaped it up and proceeded to clean the rest of me.

When I was as clean as I was going to get, he shut off the water, dried me, and wrapped me in a second towel. I thought about telling him my hair also needed to wrapping, or it would drip everywhere, but that would have taken more mental energy than I had. 

“Sit,” he said, directed me onto the closed lid of the toilet. 

He took up yet another towel and dried my hair. Once it was as dry as he wanted, he ran a brush through it, working slowly and with care. My eyes closed in a small measure of bliss. Stefan braided my hair, tying it off with a hairband he found in a drawer.

“I’ll be right back,” Stefan told me. He dropped a kiss on the top of my head before leaving.

My cell phone sat on the counter beside the sink. Leaning forward, I plucked it up and considered. I wanted to call Ben, just to hear his voice. I knew he was better. I could feel that. I could also feel his franticness, hurt, and confusion. I wanted to hear his voice, more than anything.

Then I remembered his rage and put the phone down.

Stefan returned with jeans and a sweatshirt. “They should fit,” he said. “You’re of a similar size to Jenny.”

“One of your sheep?”

“Of course.”

The clothes did fit, though Jenny was thicker in the waist than I was. 

“I have a guest bedroom you can sleep in,” he told me. “Are you hungry? I think we have some leftover ham.”

“No, thank you.”

“We need to consider our options.”

I shook my head, not really wanting to have that discussion quite yet.

The cell phone buzzed. Stefan picked it up. “It says it’s Ben.”

“Don’t—“

He already had. “She’s safe, wolf. Stay away.” He ended the call, then turned off the phone. “These can be tracked, you know.”

“They’ll just come here.”

“If you don’t want to see him, I’ll fight the Alpha himself.”

“No, you wouldn’t, because that would hurt your precious Mercy.” It was cruel but I didn’t care. “I told you I was tired of lies. Call a cab for me. I’ll find a hotel for the night. Thank you for the clothes. May I have some money for a motel room?”

“Giuditta—“

“I mean it.”

He sighed. “Very well.”

#

Judith was right, as she so often was. Barely ten minutes after a taxi swept her away Adam and Ben arrived.

“She chose to sleep elsewhere tonight,” Stefan explained. “I don’t know where. But she’s safe. She also left her phone behind.” He held out the device.

Adam took it. Ben, roaring, punched a hole through the wall. His eyes were bright yellow and Stefan could smell the wolf rising in him.

“If she sees him like that,” Stefan said, “she will run.”

“Ben, go to the car,” Adam ordered. “I think we’ve done all we can tonight.” 

Ben stormed out. 

Adam eyed Stefan. “You’ve done a lot for us. For Mercy. That’s why I’m not angrier than I already am. Is there a way to keep her out of our homes until we know for sure she isn’t a threat?”

Stefan couldn’t help but to smile. Judith always accused him of loving drama. “Thresholds were never a problem for her.”

Pure shock and unease crossed Adam’s face before the emotions vanished. Judith might have been a fierce warrior who stood on the cusp between light and dark. She had a vampire’s speed and fangs but thresholds and sunlight did not slow her down. But her true power, what made her really frightening, was that very few knew how to protect themselves from her.

Stefan knew but he did not say. Let Judith prove her trustworthiness.

#

Ben sucked in several deep breaths after returning to the car. He felt slightly more in control but not by much. It had been a long time since the grasp on his wolf had been so tested.

Adam returned, sliding into the driver’s seat. Without saying a word, he held out Judith’s cell phone. Ben took it.

About halfway back to the Hauptman house, Ben switched it on. He opened the text messages. It looked as if she only communicated with a handful of people, mostly him and Stefan. 

“See anything useful?” Adam asked.

“There are some other men she contacts. Greg. Matthew. Stephen. Mostly, it’s addresses and meeting times.”

“Those must be her sheep. We can go visit them tomorrow morning. They may help us find her.”

“Why not now?”

Adam gave him a sidelong glance. “If we do, and one of them smells like Judith, can you keep your wolf from tearing him apart?”

“No,” Ben growled.

“Then we go tomorrow.”

Judith still had the first naughty text message Ben had sent her, the one that spawned her Italian dirty talk while he sat at Adam’s breakfast table. She had every one of Ben’s messages. He scrolled through to the very last, sent earlier that night, telling her he would be at her house in a few minutes.

He closed the conversation and looked at the thread with Stefan. It was in Italian, though, which Ben couldn’t read and he didn’t have the patience for Google Translate at the moment. He did notice that the texts stopped two weeks ago, when Ben and Judith started sleeping together.

Ben would have once called it dating or simply being together. However, as he looked back over it, he wasn’t sure how much of what she ever told him had been the truth. If he had been with the real Judith or a fabrication.

“She hid her scent from me,” Ben said. “How?”

“It must be one of her talents.”

“Could that mean she was able to lie to me?” It hurt to ask the question. He already knew the answer but he wanted someone to tell him differently.

“Yes.”

Ben tried to breathe past the pain in his chest. Swallowing, he closed out the text messages and opened the photo gallery. She had to have had the phone for a month or more before they met. Yet, the only photos were from over the last two weeks. 

There was one of him cooking breakfast, another of him working at his laptop at her house, and still others, snapped at odd moments when Ben wasn’t looking. Only one picture had Judith in it. It was taken at the restaurant on the night he took her out on her birthday. She’d asked the server to take it.

They were holding hands across the table. Judith’s smile was broad and happy.

Ben put the phone on standby. Maybe he had meant something to her. And there was no denying his wolf had chosen her. But it had still been built on a lie. That did not keep his wolf from pining for his mate.


	13. From Bad to Total Shitstorm

Ben didn’t know how he slept. It was probably the car wreck and two changes in a short amount of time. After gorging on food, he passed out in one of the pack bedrooms.

He stood in a courtyard at night. A two-story mansion with a red tile roof surrounded it on three sides. On the fourth side, across from where he stood, was a wall and a gate. Torches cast warm, flickering light over the scene.

A red-haired girl came in through the gate, carrying a basket of flowers. She wore a simple red and white dress. A vampire materialized out of shadow. The girl flinched away from him. He grabbed her arm.

“Where have you been?” he demanded. He spoke in Italian but Ben understood him all the same.

“In the fields,” the girl stammered. “Let me go, Papa.”

Ben ran across the courtyard, hitting the vampire with his shoulder. The man fell back onto the ground.

“Ben?” Judith, fully grown but in the same dress, clutching the basket. “What are you doing here?”

Ben woke with a gasp. _What the hell was that?_

It was daytime and he could hear people moving around upstairs. He got out of bed and dressed in the unisex sweats Adam owned by the dozens.

He crept upstairs and heard people in the kitchen. Adam and Mercy discussing plans for the day, mostly how to find Judith. Adam had taken Judith’s cell phone and they were looking at the addresses Ben had found in the text messages. Darryl chimed in and Ben scented Samuel as well. On a nearby table laid Mercy’s keys. He scooped them up and slipped out the door.

#

Nothing looked different about her home. A package sat on her front porch. Ben picked it up and read the note taped to it: “Someone left this for you but I didn’t have a chance to give it to you! Edith Haskell”

He knocked on the door and listened. He heard the hum of the refrigerator and electronics. There was a tap dripping. However, no one moved. His instincts whispered a warning but he was already walking around back.

Judith had shown him where she kept a spare key under a rock in a planter. It was still there. He let himself in and set the package on the kitchen counter.

Two steps deeper into the room and Ben realized he had made a terrible mistake.

#

I was coming out of the bathroom in my motel room when pain arched through me. Gasping, I pressed my hand to my chest and bent double.

Ben was hurting. Angry. Growling. Then—unconscious. I got the sense that he was in my house.

I forced myself to straighten. First last night’s dream and now this. I didn’t know what it meant if Ben and I could visit each other in our dreams. I wasn’t sure if he’d done it on purpose, though I didn’t think so. And my blood bond wasn’t supposed to be so strong that I felt my bonded one’s pain.

I grabbed my clothes and wished I hadn’t left my cell phone at Stefan’s.

#

My purse had been left behind in the wreckage of Ben’s truck. It was luck that my phone had been in my pocket at all. But I didn’t have the keys to my home.

I ran past an ugly, old VW parked out front and around to the back of the house. The rock in the planter was disturbed. The back door was unlocked. I opened it and the bitter scent of silver washed over me.

The kitchen was a mess. A large hole dented a wall. The kitchen table was broken in four pieces and a chair was so many splinters. Blood smeared and pooled on the slate tile. On the ground was a dart. I picked it up carefully. It stunk of blood, silver, and chemicals. I carefully set that on the counter by a package.

There had been strange men in the house.

Opening a drawer of hand towels, I drew out the handgun I kept there. I flicked off the safety, chambered a round, and listened. The only heartbeat thudding in the house was my own. Following my nose, I explored.

The men had waited in the hall. They used my bathroom. My bedroom was a mess. Each drawer hung open, garments thrown everywhere. My makeup laid scattered across my vanity table. The mattress was pulled off the bed with large slashes in it. They hadn’t really been looking for anything. It was all about violating my personal space.

I returned to the kitchen, to the package there. Ms. Haskell had left a note on it. Ben must have seen it on my front porch and brought it inside. And he was so distracted, he didn’t smell or hear the bad guys until it was too late.

I tore open the box. A leather collar laid on a bed of silk. The collar I had worn every day for centuries. The collar Stefan swore he would one day remove from my neck so I could finally be free. But then he left with Marsilia and I had to make my own freedom.

Father had found me.

#

In my closet, behind a false panel, I kept my "time to run" bag, fake passports, money in various currencies, and a sword in a scabbard. Inside the bag was clothes, toiletries, and a burner phone with charger.

I plugged the phone in to charge.

There were weapons stashed in different places around the house. Ben found the gun under the hand towels on his first day. He said he smelled the oil I used to clean it. I switched oils. Living alone made me forget about all the little scents that betrayed things like where weapons were hidden.

I glanced at my vanity table. I could almost see—

_Ben picked up a bottle of red colored perfume from a very old perfumery in Florence. It was the only thing I continued to order from the old country, going through a lot of trouble to keep the orders from being traced back to me. He opened it, releasing the scents of cinnamon, cloves, and orange blossom._

Shaking myself free of the memory, I tossed the sword onto the box springs and pulled out two ammo boxes from another hiding place. Soon, I had the handgun from the kitchen and a smaller pistol, along with holsters and appropriate ammunition all set out.

Father would have more men than I had bullets. He also had other talents that could easily bring me to heel. However, if my plan was to work, then I needed it to look like I was out for blood. That wouldn’t be hard, given the rage burning in my gut.

I swept the cosmetics off the vanity and laid down a map of the Tri-Cities. From a drawer, I drew out a crystal on a string. Holding the string with my fingertips, I let the crystal dangle over the map. I closed my eyes and focused on the blood bond between Ben and myself. I thought about him, his scent, his taste, how he made me feel.

He didn’t need to touch me to make me tremble with desire and longing. My day could be hell but one look in his direction—and everything was better. He brought light where there once was darkness.

And I had lied to him.

_There._

I felt his anger. His pain. His confusion. There was the sense of a cage. He felt muzzy. Drugged. Everything was fogged. My limbs were languid. I could smell dust, concrete, and stale air. There were three other men in the room and they were all armed. Voices in another room. Someone was watching telly.

This was stronger than I normally expected from one of my blood bonds. Far stronger. Almost as if…

I felt the gossamer strand of the bond. It allowed me to find his location. To know he was sick and drugged. ( _How? What could drug a werewolf?_ ) But where was the rest coming from? The sharing of his thoughts and feelings?

A strong golden rope appeared before me. It was unsettled. Not fully in its place. It embedded deeply in Ben while it ghosted around me. A mate bond. I could read Ben through it but it still waited for me to accept it.

I wanted to grab it, tie it around me, and never let go. But my plan…

Brushing the bond aside, I focused again on the blood bond. _Where? Where?_

I felt the pendulum swung in a circle over the map. After a few moments, it stopped. I opened my eyes and looked down at the place where Papa had my Ben.

#

Stefan rose from his daily death, like a swimmer rising to the surface of a lake. He opened his eyes. Downstairs, his sheep were making their first meal of the day. He drew in an unnecessary breath and could smell the Christmas tree in the parlor and spices from cookies.

It was Christmas Eve.

He sat up and swung his legs over the edge of his bed. Someone knocked on his door.

 _Odd._ His sheep knew to leave him alone until he came downstairs.

“Enter,” he called.

Jenny came in. “Stefan, there’s a message for you on the answering machine. It sounds really important. Your friend Judith left it.”

Stefan brushed past her, hurrying downstairs. The answering machine, kept in the living room, flashed a single digit. He pressed play.

“Stefan, it’s Judith. Papa found me and he has Ben. I have a plan. An exchange of sorts. After you hear this message, call Adam. Tell him to take his wolves to this address.” She gave one out in the middle of nowhere. “You know my father. He’ll have a small army. I’ll do what I can to reduce the numbers. Also, tell Adam that if they come upon me, they have to kill me. You know the best way. Don’t leave that part out, Stefan. I mean it. It’s time for this dance to end.”

The machine beeped.

He sagged into the nearest chair. He’d known Judith his whole life. When he first met her, as a new and quick-tempered vampire, he mistook her for a human. He tried to feed from her. She threw him out of a window. Only a pile of horse manure kept him from breaking anything. He couldn’t imagine a world without her.

Stefan snatched up the phone and dialed Mercy’s number.


	14. Stupid With a Purpose

The collection of buildings must have been a farm at one point. In the light of the waning moon, I easily saw men with automatic weapons patrolling the area. Lights were on in the farmhouse. I reached out to Ben through the blood bond. However, it grew fainter by the moment as it neared its end and I could only get the vague sense that they had moved him from one location on the property to another.

The mate bond tempted. If I let it close, as I had before, I would be able to know so much more. However, I couldn’t do it. The time of delusions was gone.

The large barn with its boarded up windows had to be where they moved Ben. I loosened the sword in my scabbard, my weapon for when the bullets ran out. The old excitement, the trembling longing for blood and violence, rose to the fore. I had put on my ass-kicking shoes; it was time to go to work.

Drawing my handgun, I screwed a cylinder into the barrel. Some people called it a silencer but there was no way to silence a gunshot. It was a suppressor, taking a loud bang and making it a small _pfft_. If my plan was going to work, then I needed to do this seriously. And in a serious job, I never tried to draw more attention than absolutely necessary.

I slid into the deep ditch that ran parallel to the farm and used it to get close to the perimeter. A mercenary on patrol stood nearby. I jumped up onto the edge of the ditch.

The man turned on me. Faster than a human could, I aimed and squeezed the trigger. He jerked, the bullet tearing through his skull, and he dropped. Iron blood and meaty, broken brain scented the frigid night air. I ghosted past him.

Between the ditch and the barn, I met three other guards. All of them human. The first two I shot. For the third, who stood just outside the barn, I had other plans.

I ripped the gun from his hands and swept his feet out from under him. With one hand pinning him down, I held his hands in the other. Looking into his eyes, I drew his mind under my power. His struggling stopped.

“Are you all part of the same mercenary company?” I asked him.

“Yes,” he replied.

“You’re going to go kill them all.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“When you’re done, you’re going to kill yourself.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

I let him up and gave him his gun. The mercenary walked off on his grisly errand. A few moments later, gunfire broke out.

Mercenaries I expected. But where were my father’s vampires? I hadn’t so much as scented one yet.

Stefan would arrive with the cavalry soon. Ben once told me that Adam was in the military. I knew he could round up the troops quickly. I hoped it was quick. I was about to transition from smart to stupid. But it was stupid with a purpose.

As I approached the front door of the barn, a familiar scent gave me pause.

When the witch cast the spell to allow my mother to conceive me, she burned gum acacia for soul, myrrh for death, and applewood for life. All three, either individually or together, affected me like silver harmed a werewolf. A stake made from acacia or sandalwood could drop me like a stone, no matter where it pierced me.

The barn stank with the trio. Someone had painted the oils of acacia and myrrh into the wood. No doubt the barn itself was built from apple trees. The cloying smell blocked my nose and other senses. Father could have been standing just on the other side of the door and I wouldn’t know.

Slowly, I reached out and touched the handle. Pain seared flesh. I jerked back with a strangled cry. Blisters covered my fingers. I grimaced. If Ben wasn’t in there, I was going to be pissed.

Grasping the handle, ignoring the agony, I jerked the door open.

A large cage sat in the middle of the barn. A red, long-legged wolf stood in the center, as far from the bars as he could get. The long, high-ceilinged room appeared empty but the oils saturating the barn’s wood blocked my senses even here.

I cradled my injured left hand against my belly and slowly walked inside. The wolf whined. He was beautiful. Of course, he was. He was Ben.

Halfway to the cage, the door groaned closed. I turned. Father’s vampires stood in silent rows, about thirty of them, between the exit and me. I shot one in the head. Hissing, they rest lunged forward. I dropped the gun and drew my sword.

They threw themselves on top of me. I swung my sword as hard as I could, dancing out of their way. Dark blood oozed from their wounds that closed almost as quickly as I made them. In a blur, I gutted one, the reek of his broken bowel filling the air. One female vampire lost her head.

A vampire sank his teeth into my arm. I slammed the pommel into his skull, breaking it open and exposing grey brain. With a scream, I slashed outward with my power, sending several sprawling to the floor.

“Stop!”

Power flowed through the room. The vampires, even me, froze in our poses. One vampire, behind me, had his hands around my throat. His fingers were in mid-squeeze.

“Release her.”

The vampires sidled away, vanishing from sight and leaving the handful of fallen comrades. Ben growled in his cage, lowering his head as his hackles rose. My father, Federico, wore a three-piece pinstripe suit. He and I were of the same height and we both had the same curly red hair. But his eyes were brown. I inherited my mother’s blue eye color.

“Darling.” Federico walked a few steps forward. “How I’ve missed you.”

His power pressed against me, slithering over my skin like tentacles. I clenched my eyes closed, tightened my grip on the hilt, and hunched my shoulders. I would not let him in. Not yet. I needed to wait for Adam. However, I couldn’t hear or sense anything outside the barn because of the oils. I would have to last as long as I could and hope it was enough.

“Did you like the flowers I sent you?”

“So that was you?” I gasped out. “I thought Stefan was trying to win me back.”

“I had spies watching Stefan, you know. I think I found him a good decade before you did.”

My eyes snapped open. “Spies?”

“I knew you couldn’t resist going back to your mercenary if you had the chance. But instead, you chose the wolf.” Federico smiled at Ben, who snarled. “Interesting. I suppose, after your first wolf, you couldn’t go back.”

“You don’t get to talk about Daniel.”

He directed his gaze back at me. The weight of it pressed against my chest. I dropped my eyes. His voice was soft and sweet. “No, I want to talk about my former son-in-law. What was he like?”

I swallowed. “He was kind.” My right hand was starting to ache. I didn’t dare loosen my grip. The pain, in both of my hands, kept me centered. “And he loved me.”

“He died because of a collapse, no?”

“Yes.” I clenched my left hand. The blisters popped and oozed.

“You were his mate. Did you feel it? Did you feel him die?”

_I hung another shirt on the line. It was a cool day. A breeze played in the gold and brown leaves. I was thinking about making pot roast for supper._

_JUDITH!_

_I staggered back from the clothesline and dropped me to my knees. I couldn’t catch my breath. Couldn’t move. Couldn’t think past the all-encompassing pain._

_Judith…_

_The link between us, the ever-present song in the back of my mind, vanished. And I was alone._

“Interesting.” Papa tilted his head. I slowly realized I must have said some of that aloud. Like he wanted. Adam had better be outside because--

His power descended on me in a heavy cloak. I fell to my knees. The sword clattered onto the concrete. My vision grew dim around the edges.

“You won’t find my power so easy to shirk again,” Federico said. “It was impressive, how you worked at it, finding all the weak spots until you broke it. But not again. This time is for keeps, as they say.”

I forced my eyes up to Ben and choked out a faint “I love you.”

Father’s power crashed over me until I was consumed.

#

Ben whined as Judith fell to the floor. He took a step toward the silver bars. Ever since he came to in the barn, it slowly became harder and harder to get a reading from Judith. It was almost as if the bond was shut down on her end.

As she collapsed, the bond went completely dead. He surged forward, whining.

“Stand and take up your sword,” Federico said.

With fluid grace, Judith regained her feet and scooped up her weapon. Ben’s ears flattened. Her eyes blazed like sapphires held to the sun. The skin around her cheeks and jaw were tightened, like a corpse’s. Her mouth opened and her fangs, long and thin, ran down.

“There’s my girl,” the vampire said. “I want you to kill your werewolf lover.”

She walked over to the cage and yanked on the door. The lock mechanism let go with a snap and she swung the door open. Ben wagged his tail, willing her to recognize him, but the look on her face was blank. The pilot light was on but no one was home.

Judith didn’t come any closer. From outside the barn came the sounds of growling and gunfire. Adam had arrived with the pack. How did they even know where to find him?

Federico frowned. “Judith, I order you to kill that wolf.”

She began to shake. Her knuckles whitened on the hilt of the sword. Sweat broke out on her forehead. Ben smelled rage, fear, and anguish rolling off her in waves.

 _Ben,_ her voice whispered through the mate bond, _run._

He lunged forward, knocking her to the side. At the same time, the barn doors broke open. Wolves and vampires boiled into the room, fighting each other. Judith whirled on Ben but Stefan was suddenly there. He parried her strike with a sword of his own. The pair fought in a blur of pale steel and snarls.

Ben rushed Federico, catching the vampire in the side. They both fell to the ground. Ben tore at the man’s torso with his claws. Fangs bared, Federico punched Ben in the shoulder. The joint dislocated. Ben yelped and fell back.

Federico got to his feet and drew a dagger. Samuel came from the opposite side, raking his fangs down the enemy’s arm. Federico screamed and stepped back, swiping outward with his dagger. The bars of the cage stopped his retreat.

A fine, hot fury filled Ben. His wolf wanted blood. He leaped, caught the vampire by the neck, and ripped his head off. He and the body dropped to the concrete. Half-wild with anger, he tore into the corpse, rending it limb from limb. Blood splattered over him, pooling on the floor. He tore open the belly and was rewarded with the sweet-sour reek of entrails.

Judith screamed, the cry cutting short.

She laid on the ground. Her sword, broken in two, lay nearby. A stake protruded from her gut, just above the navel. Stefan stood over her. He moved to kneel.

Ben body checked him before Ben even knew he was moving. He stood over Judith. Lowering his head, he growled, lips pulled back from his fangs. He had to protect his mate. She was hurt and needed him. He vaguely noticed Samuel pushing himself through a rapid change.

“Ben,” Adam said. “We need to take care of her. Back off.”

Ben gradually noticed that the fighting was over. The other pack members watched Ben and Adam. The power that made Adam the Alpha pushed against Ben. He stared at Adam. He didn’t want to back off. He needed to stay where he was. Adam scowled and pushed harder with pack magic and dominance.

“We won’t hurt her. We need to save her,” he told Ben.

Reluctantly, Ben stepped back. Samuel came to kneel beside her.

“I can pull out the stake,” he said, “but there may be splinters left behind. I’ll have to pluck those out back home, where I have tools and better light. She’ll probably bleed. I need something to plug up the hole.”

Adam shucked off his shirt and held it out. Samuel took it in one hand and, with the other, pulled out the stake. Blood, thick and dark, welled up from the gaping abdominal wound. Ben whined. Samuel shoved the shirt in.

“I’ll take her,” Adam said. “Ben won’t mind it as much as you doing it.”

He carefully lifted Judith in his arms and strode out, with Ben hard on his heels.


	15. Buon Natale

The fever was on me.

It happened, whenever applewood or acacia entered my system. It was stupid, really. If someone stabbed me with a pine branch, I could pull it out and then kick his ass. But if it was made out of acacia or applewood, then I was screwed. Luckily, myrrh came from a small, thorny bush that did not lend itself to stake making.

My belly itched and burned. I distantly heard people talking. Felt a car moving. Leather against my skin felt too rough. The rumbling of the car engine was too loud. And it was too hot. I wanted to ask someone to open a window but I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t move to scratch and tear at my stomach.

A small burble of panic rose in my chest. Ben’s scent washed over me and a wet nose pressed into my throat, just below the jaw. The panic subsided and I slipped into sleep.

When I woke again, the familiar scents told me I was in the Hauptman house. Cool sheets beneath my hot hands. A cold, wet washcloth laid over my forehead. Ben was still nearby. He was growling. A man spoke and it sounded both reassuring and admonishing. Then, Jesse’s voice (worried), followed by Mercy’s (soothing). I couldn’t understand the words. It was too far away.

It was slowly becoming too hard to care. It would be so much easier to let go into the void that I knew tempted. I edged toward it.

_No!_

I stood in a snowy field, bewildered by the shout in my mind. Above me, countless stars crowded the sky. Ben and a red wolf stood in front of me. He held a golden cord the proceeded from the two of them.

Ben grabbed my hand. “I told you,” he said, “I’m not letting you go.”

Pain erupted from my middle. I was back in the room. Hands held me down. I struggled against them.

“It’s all right, luv,” Ben said in my ear. “Doc Cornick is just trying to get the splinters out.”

“It hurts,” I gasped.

“I know. But it’s for your own good.”

“I’m sorry.” Tears rolled down my face. “I’m so sorry.”

“Shh. Don’t worry about that right now. We’ve got plenty of time to talk about it. Shh.” He kissed my forehead.

But I didn’t deserve his kisses. I turned my face away from him and endured the digging.

A man said, “I think I got it all.”

Everyone released me and I curled around the pain. My thirst arose, turning my throat into a desert even as the heat on my skin lessened. The fever broke when the last of the splinters were removed.

“She needs to feed now,” Stefan said. I had been so intent on Ben’s scent and voice I hadn’t even noticed the vampire was there. I cracked my eyes open. He stood by the bedroom door, his face so neutral I knew he was in his own agony.

“I’ll do it,” Ben replied.

“No!” I screamed. I scooted away from them and off the bed. The bedroom was crowded with people: Ben, Stefan, Adam, Mercy, Warren, and a young man with suspiciously familiar hazel eyes. The last one must have been the sadist with the tweezers because of the blood on his hands.

Stefan came to the corner of the bed. “You need to drink, _fragolina_. It is the only way you will heal.”

“I won’t drink from Ben,” I croaked. “I won’t.”

“I can do it,” Adam offered.

He came around the bed. Stefan backed away. The Alpha knelt in front of me and offered me his wrist.

In a low voice dripping with shame, I whispered, “I don’t want Ben to see.”

Ben made an unhappy sound, something between a whine and a growl that sounded both pitiable and menacing. I looked down.

“Everyone out,” Adam ordered. He tensed. “Including you, Ben. Let’s give her space.”

When the room was empty, he held out his wrist again.

“I can’t make it feel nice,” I told him.

“That’s fine.”

I took his forearm in my hands and, extending my fangs, bit him.

If regular people are chocolate bars, then werewolf blood is one of those decadent cakes they serve in high-end restaurants. The kind made with three or four different sorts of chocolate and then drizzled with more of it. Not the cheap chocolate but the sort made in the frickin’ Andes by virgins or something crazy like that.

Werewolf blood thrums with power. It makes me think of the moon, wild creatures, and hunting. While feeding on Adam, I could almost smell dew on grass and the first sweet touch of spring.

“Easy there, sweetheart,” Adam said. He pulled on the back of my head. “I think that’s enough from me.”

I reluctantly disengaged. I wanted more—but I didn’t need it. I could feel the hole in my belly beginning to close. But like with a silver wound in wolves, it would take a while to heal.

He scooped me up and laid me back down on the bed. “The doctor will want to wrap that.”

“Okay.”

He started to leave but I caught his hand in mine.

“What happened?” I asked. “Where’s my father?”

“Your father is dead.”

I dropped his hand, my lips parting in shock. He left. Soon after, the hazel-eyed man returned with gauze and enough bandages to cover Cairo. Mercy came, as well, and I leaned against her as the doctor applied the gauze and then bound my torso. Despite Adam’s blood, I felt absolutely knackered.

“What’s your name, doc?” I asked. My eyelids began to drift closed.

“Samuel Cornick,” he replied.

Suddenly more awake, I studied him. I now saw why his eyes looked so damn familiar. “Any relation to Bran Cornick?”

“You know him?”

“He probably doesn’t remember me. I was in the back of the bar when he sang.”

Samuel’s hands stilled. “You heard my Da sing?”

“Mmhmm.” I laid my head on Mercy’s shoulder. Her weird dog-but-not-a-dog smell was a little comforting. “Next time you talk to him, ask him about Betty’s Saloon. Mercy, what _are_ you?”

“A coyote,” she replied, sounding amused.

“Huh. And your coyote doesn’t want to tear me into little pieces?” Domesticated dogs did not like me. I had no experience with coyotes.

“Only if you break Ben’s heart.”

 _That would be a yes, then,_ I thought. I was fairly certain I shattered Ben’s heart when I tore out that man’s throat, revealing my identity. Revealing that I had lied.

They left me alone soon after, flicking off the light as they went. Sleep ran along the edges of my mind but I kept it at bay as I tried to think.

Father was dead. The reason for my running for the last hundred years was now gone. I could stay somewhere. Build a life. But it meant nothing if I couldn’t be with the man I loved. I needed to consider travel plans.

Familiar hands pulled me against a hard chest. Ben stank of silver and chemicals.

“You shouldn’t be here,” I whispered.

“Too bad, pet. I’m fucking pissed at you but I just can’t stay away.”

“Ben, I—“

“Shush. We’ll talk about it when you’re better.” He brushed back the hair over my ear and kissed just behind my earlobe. “Don’t worry about it right now.”

I was too tired and in too much pain to argue. Ben settled down behind me, his hand a comforting weight across my pelvis. Sleep welled up and I didn’t fight it.

#

I was alone when I woke again. Heavy curtains over the window blocked the sun and there wasn’t a clock in the room. But if my inner clock was still accurate, I pegged the time to be in the midday.

Someone was cooking a lot of food. I smelled ham, turkey, stuffing, cranberries, sweet potatoes, and a conglomeration of other scents that all screamed of a feast. I threw off the covers and sat on the edge of the bed.

It came back, slowly. The fight in the barn. Confronting Papa. Telling Ben I loved him before letting Federico into my mind. A vague recollection of Stefan fighting me. Between that and sitting on the edge of the bed, it was all fragmented mess overlaid with Ben’s reassuring scent.

My belly ached as I stumbled from the bed to the bathroom. I flicked on the light and wished I hadn’t. Not only did it hurt but the first thing I saw was my face in the mirror. I looked like a fresh new kind of hell. I hissed at my reflection and went about my business.

Ben stood in the bedroom doorway when I came out.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Awful. You?”

“About the same.”

And that was as far as my conversation skills could take me at the moment. I limped back to bed and passed out.

#

It was night when I woke up a second time. Ben’s breath tickled my ear. When I got out of bed, my abdominal muscles didn’t hurt quite so much but I wasn’t exactly moving with speed and grace.

A sweatshirt and matching pants laid draped over a chair and I dressed in them.

The house around me slept. My ears and nose told me guests filled the home, so I softened my footsteps. Following the lingering food scents, I went to the kitchen.

On one of the two tables laid a bunch of covered dishes. I drew in a breath and picked up on nuts, candied fruits, and sugar. Lots and lots of sugar. Opening the refrigerator exposed the remains of the feast I had smelled cooking earlier.

That’s when I remembered it was Christmas. I had slept through Christmas Day.

I found the plates and helped myself to leftovers. I was halfway through my food when Ben strolled into the kitchen.

He didn’t say anything, only grabbed a plate and put together a turkey sandwich. He also poured out two glasses of apple juice. From the dessert table, he selected two foil-wrapped pies. He brought them over and unwrapped them. One looked like a chocolate pie and the other a cherry pie complete with traditional latticework.

I tried to get a fix on his feelings as we ate. However, the blood bond was long gone and I was too afraid to touch the mate bond. In fact, ignoring it altogether felt like the best policy. From Ben’s stiff posture, I could tell he was not happy but not much beyond that.

Ben waited until I was picking at my cherry pie before he dropped a folded piece of paper by my plate.

“Now that you’re all rested, I need a fucking explanation,” he said. “Starting with your actual age.”

Unfolding the paper revealed a scanned copy of my wedding photo. I stared, my hand automatically reaching for my locket. However, it wasn’t there. I left it at my house before going after Ben.

In the photo, I stood next to my Daniel, looking frightened and solemn all at once. Daniel was wearing his “formal face”. I remembered that as soon as the photographer gave the all clear, Dan burst into a smile and kissed me.

“On the 20th,” I said slowly, “we celebrated my 527th birthday.”

Ben clenched his fork hard enough to bend it in half.

I licked my lips and told my story. I told him about my father’s quest for a dhampir baby, how he used magic to impregnate an innocent twelve-year-old girl. How he used me as his weapon until the Lord of Night took notice and invited us to his Court. How I fell in love with Stefan only for him to leave with Marsilia, prompting Papa to take me away to England.

“Papa controlled me with his mind until I broke through his control,” I explained. “I went to the New World to find Stefan. In West Virginia, I came upon vampires trying to kill a werewolf. I killed the vampires. The werewolf, Daniel, introduced me to his pack. I suppose he felt indebted to me because when his Alpha wanted to kill me on sheer principle, Dan declared me his mate.”

“You didn’t love him?”

“He courted me before solidifying the bond. By the time he was done, I very much loved him. After his death, I went to Canada until I heard about Marsilia establishing a seethe in the Tri-Cities. Given Stefan’s loyalty, I assumed he would still be with her even after all this time.”

Ben dropped the misshapen remains of the fork and drummed his fingers against the table. I still hadn’t dared to look at him. I knew if I did, I would lose the tenuous control I held over my emotions.

He surged out of his chair. “Why the bloody hell didn’t you tell me the truth before now, woman?”

“To protect you.”

“Bullshit.”

That made me look at him. He glared at me with hot, golden eyes.

“Don’t tell me,” I growled, “my own reasons, wolf.”

He bent down, putting his face close to mine. “Bull. _Shit_.”

I shoved away from him and the table, scrambling to my feet to back away. I was really close to breaking something or crying or both. I didn’t want Ben near me if I chose the first option. “I was scared.”

“Of what? Losing your own personal fuck toy?”

“You know you mean more to me than that!”

He snatched up a chair and threw it to the floor. It broke apart. “You have a fucking _glorious_ way of showing it, then.” He came close, shoving his finger into my face. “We spent two weeks together and you never once told me the truth. Everything that came out of your cunt-whore-mouth was a lie!”

I shoved him back. “I meant it when I said I love you!”

Ben, his enraged wolf taking over for a moment, swung at me. I ducked, using my vampire reflexes to get the hell out of his way. He swung again, this time aiming for Adam’s granite countertop. A long crack split across the top.

He stood in front of the counter, shaking and gasping. I could feel his power rising around him like heat off pavement as he fought to regain control.

“You must take me for a real cunty fucknut,” he said, his London accent thickening to near Cockney. He slowly turned to face me.

My lips curled back, my fangs coming down to half-mast. I could only imagine what my eyes looked like. “I meant it, _stronzo_. Whatever happened to a werewolf’s ability to sniff out the truth?”

“You hid what you were, bitch. I didn’t even know what you really smelled like until I tried tracking you after the accident. How am I supposed to trust my sense of smell around you, even now?”

“ _Cazzo_!” I snarled under my breath. “I never outright lied to you. I did keep back the full truth, but only because I knew you would leave me if you knew. And I am a damn, miserable coward.”

We glared at each other for a long moment. My fangs retracted.

“If you were so damn angry,” I continued, “why the fuck did I wake with you holding me, eh?”

He leaned back, gripping the counter behind him, and some of the gold leeched from his eyes. But the color was still too pale for safety. “Because I was so fucking happy you were alive. Because I couldn’t keep my hands away from you. Because, being the absolute fuckwit that I am, I can’t keep myself from loving you. But how the shit-spitting, arse-goblin _hell_ am I supposed to trust you again?”

I really tried. It was a heartbreaking moment, fully charged with anger and a little lust (Ben was hot when angry). However, I couldn’t help it.

My lips widened into a smile. “Arse-goblin? Is that a new kind of fae?”

He groaned and rubbed his face. “Don’t do that.”

“Don’t do what?”

“Don’t distract me from being pissed.”

I studied him for a long moment and wondered if I should use my power to make him forget he loved me. I wasn’t sure if my ability to manipulate minds would work on Ben because it wasn’t just him in there. It was his wolf, too. I wondered if I should try, if I should just make it easier on everyone. However—the wound in my heart throbbed. The mate bond, which I still did not feel worthy to grasp, beckoned.

Slowly, with my eyes down and leading with my shoulder, as if I was dealing with a wild animal, I approached him, coming to a stop just within grabbing range. “Do you want to trust me?”

His pale, pale blue eyes took on a honeyed cast. “Yes.”

I dropped my control. My power, my scent, flooded the room. He straightened, his nose flaring. Daniel once told me I smelled like darkness and old blood. I wondered if I smelled like that to Ben. Gradually, I hauled my power back in but not to make it disappear. My real scent lingered in the air around me.

“I do love you, Ben,” I said. “And I have told you nothing but the truth in this room.”

He studied me, his eyes deepening back to their normal color. But he still didn’t try to touch me.

“You should know I invaded your dreams.” It was the last barrier. If we couldn’t overcome this, I was leaving the Tri-Cities that night and would never look back. “I know what your father did. What your mother allowed. I—“

The mate bond, which I had been trying to keep aside, opened suddenly, and I tensed as Ben’s memory rolled through me. My stomach turned as the scenes played out like a montage of the violent bits from a Tarantino film. I slammed my mind shut against the flood.

“That’s why the London pack sent you to America,” my voice full of horrified realization. “I guess I shouldn’t have worn black boots to the office Christmas party.”

The London Alpha, a loan shark, had Ben follow around his money collector to keep him from killing the clientele. However, the werewolf Ben babysat enjoyed beating women who wore black boots. Ben watched, his hatred for his own mother allowing him to enjoy watching a woman be hurt. It was not a Ben a recognized but someone much angrier and filled with hate.

When the money collector tried to rape a woman, Ben killed the asshole. Unfortunately, Ben hadn’t been a twenty-four-hour babysitter and there were a string of rapes that the London police wanted to hang around Ben’s neck.

“I didn’t really notice your boots,” Ben replied thickly. Shame and agony reflected in his eyes. I wanted so badly to reach out to him, to comfort him. My hands curled into fists. I had not yet earned that right, not after everything.

“You’re not that person anymore,” I whispered.

“I thought,” he continued, as if he hadn’t heard me, “it was just a dream, you showing up like that.”

I hunched my shoulders and wrapped my arms around my waist. “It was an accident. I didn’t mean for it to happen. But it happened.”

“You stopped the dream.”

“What does it matter? I invaded your privacy.”

“Matters a lot to the guy dreaming.” His voice sounded husky. “If you know what happened in London, then you know I’m a bad man.”

“Not anymore,” I snapped back. “You’re one of the best people I know, Benjamin Shaw.”

His hands flexed. “I ended up in your dreams, so I guess we’re even.”

I nodded. “I suppose so.”

An uneasy silence passed between us. Ben didn’t make a move toward me and I didn’t know what else to say. Though so much had been said, I could almost taste the hurt on the air between us. Even if he understood, it didn’t mean he forgave.

I took a step back. And then another. “I guess I’ll be going, then.” I started toward the back door, passing the table where we’d been eating.

He suddenly stood there, blocking my way, and he kissed me. I balled my fists in his hair and kissed back as hard as I could. The mating bond fell into place, finding its beginning and end within me just as it began and ended within Ben. A continuous, unending loop of love and longing.

Ben broke the kiss long enough to sweep our plates aside, letting them shatter on the floor. He tossed me down onto the table. My head landed in the cherry pie. I shoved it aside. He trailed light bites along my neck as he fumbled with the ties of my sweat pants.

Someone cleared her throat. Ben and I slowly looked up. Mercy stood in the doorway, a half-smile on her lips. Behind her was Adam and a crowd of very curious werewolves who had all, apparently, slept over for Christmas. I had no idea how long they had been standing there.

“You’re cleaning that up,” Mercy said.

“But can we finish first?” Ben asked.

Someone in the back groaned. “Holy crap, Shaw, some of us eat there.”

“I was planning on eating as well.” He grinned and lifted his brows suggestively.

A collective groan arose. I pushed Ben away and slid off the table. My cheeks burned with embarrassment.

“Okay, everyone,” Adam said. “The show is over. Back to bed.” The werewolves started back toward the stairs. Mercy rolled her eyes and walked away with Adam.

“Hey.” Ben pulled me against him. “If you’re right leg is Thanksgiving and your left leg is Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays?”

“Are you quoting _Deadpool_?”

“Yep.”

“God, I love you.”

“Please. Call me Ben."

I playfully punched him in the stomach. “Where do you keep the broom around here?”

We cleaned up the mess we made before returning upstairs. I went into the shower long enough to get pie out of my hair. When I came out, stark naked, Ben was laying on the bed, ankles crossed and hands behind his head. He also was not wearing anything. I admired the long lines of his body.

He turned his head to look at me as I closed the bathroom door. Lust darkened his eyes.

“ _Buon Natale_ ,” I breathed.

“What does that mean?”

“Happy Christmas.”

“Could you translate another phrase? When you refused to drink blood from me, Stefan called you _fragolina_. It sounded like a nickname.”

“Um. It means—“  I cringed. “It means ‘little strawberry’.”

Ben stared at me for a whole second before dissolving into laughter.


	16. Playlist for Buon Natale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A selection of songs I felt go well with Ben and Judith's story.

Chapter 1: You Don’t Own Me ft. G-Eazy – Grace

Chapter 2: Just Say When – Nothing More

Chapter 3: Monster – Beth Crowley

Chapter 4: Damn Your Eyes – Alex Clare

Chapter 5: It Won’t Kill Ya – The Chainsmokers

Chapter 6: I Get Off – Halestorm

Chapter 7: Stay ft. Mikky Ekko – Rihanna

Chapter 8: I’ll Be Good – Jaymes Young

Chapter 9: Hit Me Like a Man – Pretty Reckless

Chapter 10: Us – Movement

Chapter 11: I’m Not An Angel – Halestorm

Chapter 12: Closer – Kings of Leon

Chapter 13: Die for You – Starset

Chapter 14: This is War – Thirty Seconds to Mars

Chapter 15: Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Bonus Songs

I Found – Amber Run

Boys Like You – Anna Clendening

Only Love Can Hurt Like This – Paloma Faith

All I Want for Christmas is You – Mariah Carey


End file.
